Woman Informs Daughter-In-Law That Her Son’s Ex Is Family And Has Been Around ‘Longer Than She Has’
Aug 14, 2023 by apost team
Relationships are any kind of connection between people, regardless of whether it is platonic or intimate. Usually, when people talk about "being in a relationship," they are referring to a certain type of romantic relationship involving emotional and physical intimacy and varying levels of commitment.
Romantic relationships take on different forms, including casual dating, ethical nonmonogamy and marriages. Depending on the level of commitment and the length of time a couple has been in a relationship, family, and friends may become involved in the relationship.
Both halves of the couple will introduce the other to their families and friends, often strengthening the bond between them. In some cases, families fall in love with their children’s partners, often nurturing the endearment they feel for the partner even after the relationship is over.
In one such case, Reddit user @ u/Tight-Negotiation432, in an Aug. 6, 2023, post titled, “AITA for telling my sons wife that his ex is in the family and has been here longer that she has,” detailed how her love for her son’s ex-girlfriend is posing a problem between her, her son and his wife.
Tight-Negotiation432 started the post, explaining that her son and Sabrina had a longtime relationship from high school to college. The original poster (OP) took a liking to Sabrina and continued to nurture it even after her son’s relationship with her ended.
“My son was dating Sabrina, they started in highschool and broke up when they were in college. It was a long relationship and I became really close to her. She is in my eyes our daughter. Her family are awful people and she sees us as her parental figures. She even is planning to have my husband walk her down the isle when she gets married,” she wrote.
For Illustration Purposes Only (With Models) — iStock.com/LuckyBusiness
Tight-Negotiation432 took Sabrina as her daughter, inviting her to family events and continuing to do so for years. The OP noted that her son, now 27 years old, is married to another woman named Bethany. Tight-Negotiation432 revealed that although Bethany is nice, they hadn’t quite connected because they didn’t have much in common and lived far away. She wrote:
“My son now 27 is married to Bethany and she is a nice person. We never clicked, we don’t have much in common and they live 2 hours away so it’s hard to plan stuff to get to know her more. Really I’m sure it will grow in time.”
The family hosted a picnic, and Sabrina was invited as usual since she is considered family. However, at the end of the night, Bethany approached Tight-Negotiation432 to register her displeasure about her husband’s ex attending family functions, asking if she could be excluded. OP responded:
“I told her no and that Sabrina is part of the family and has been part of the family longer than she has. If their (sic) is an actually valid reason like her (being) rude then I would consider it but she has done nothing. She left and my son has called me and called me an a**hole for picking her over my now real family.”
In a further edit posted by Tight-Negotiation432, she highlighted that although Sabrina is not her biological daughter, she has treated her as one for 10 years. She also stated that Sabrina was engaged and not looking to get back together with her son. To give more context to her relationship with her daughter-in-law, she wrote:
“I will be saying I don’t see her as family if I disinvite her to family events she has gone to for about 10 years.”
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For Illustration Purposes Only (With Models) — istockphoto.com/Ridofranz
Readers on the platform took to the comment section to share their two cents, with many against the OP for her insistence on inviting her son's ex to family gatherings.
“NAH- Your think of Sabrina as your own child. She is invited to things because you became her surrogate family. Bethany is not an AH for being upset that someone her husband once loved is invited to all your family events. I would also be upset if my husband’s ex was accepted into his family while I am still struggling to feel like part of the family,” one user wrote.
“YTA,” wrote another. “She’s not your daughter she’s your sons ex and it’s weird as hell to keep inviting her to family events when your son has moved on and married. It was extra rude to be so dismissive and nasty to Bethany when she was trying to open up about how uncomfortable she is. If you want to be friends with his ex then do it when they’re not around.”
“Lol be prepared to lose your son then and any future grandchildren that he might have. What a parent,” a third user commented.
“YTA. You've spent the past 5+ years making sure that your son knows you value this relationship with his ex more than his comfort and now you're making his wife know it too.” another wrote. “I'm glad she sees you as parental figures since you're going to destroy your actual relationship with your kid over this.”
“YTA. Your own son is mad about this so wouldn't that give you a clue that it's time to stop inviting Sabrina to every family function? She's not married to him. Bethany is. She has a right to ask and to be upset about it. I feel for the girl, honestly,” yet another Redditor commented.
For Illustration Purposes Only (With Models) — istockphoto.com/fizkes
What do you think of the OP inviting her son’s ex to family events years after their relationship ended? Do you think she should stop inviting her son’s ex? What would you do if you were in a similar situation? Let us know, and be sure to pass this article on to friends, family members and other people you think would have an answer!