To Every Woman Who Has Ever Surrendered Herself To A Narcissistic Man

Jan 26, 2019 by apost team

You are still shaken to your core. You are ashamed that you allowed it to happen. You still can’t believe that you allowed it to happen; that you allowed someone to take control over you so completely. That you allowed someone to abuse you verbally, emotionally, psychologically. That you allowed someone to step into your life and break you down to a shadow of the person you once were.

You have survived a relationship with a narcissistic man. You will be scarred for a while, and you might even show signs of PTSD. You will also be ever cautious of who you allow to enter your life. Who you give your heart to. You swear you won’t let it happen again. First, you need to sit back and take stock in who this person was and how to recognize a narcissist before they have a chance to make you their next victim.

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A narcissist needs to be praised at all times. They have an exaggerated sense of importance and are arrogant and judgmental people. They dream big, but in their minds, they become obsessed with their fantasies of how the world views them, their power, their achievements. They are very selfish and they lack the empathy that a compassionate human has.

They are great actors who will convince you that they are one person while they break you down and mold you into who they need for you to be. It is almost ironic that they actually suffer from low self-esteem and are insecure in their own skin.

In your relationship with a narcissist, the warning signs were all there. You may have felt disrespected at best as your personal feelings were constantly dismissed. You probably felt like you could listen to them forever, but that your own words were never heard. They felt that they were entitled to be treated like a king while once they lured you into their web of lies, they would then verbally abuse you. If you were lucky, you got out before the physical abuse began.

It was slow progress towards the actual abuse. They needed you to let down your guard first. They probably made you feel that you were the most important woman on the planet. They pursued you relentlessly. Everything seemed perfect as you first fell in love with them. And then there was the first time they left you in tears. The first time that they didn’t show up for that date that was so important to you.

Of course, they were perfect the day after, begging forgiveness, the flowers, the look. But that perfection never lasted. Soon enough it was back to the ugliness that they convinced you was your own fault. Every little thing in their own life that might have gone wrong was, of course, your fault and they convinced you that you deserved to be punished for it.

What was the final straw? Was it the lies? Was it the abuse? Was it the cheating? Oh yes, the cheating. What they swore wasn’t going on. As if the abuse wasn’t enough. As if the humiliation was enough. 

Do you remember the first time you did something really great? Perhaps it was that promotion at work that you had worked so hard for. You came home overflowing with joy. You had done something for yourself. You probably had listened to how you were not good enough to achieve this either. Nothing was ever good enough, at least for you, whereas if they were promoted at work, you were forced to praise the ground they walked upon.

How smart they were to achieve such a thing. How they primped as they got ready to go out that evening making sure that they didn’t leave you enough time to look your best. You wonder how you let it all happen. Fact is, you didn’t let it happen. Fact is that they make sure it happens. You need to know that you were not the first. You need to know that you are not their last.

You need to know that getting away was the right thing. You need to know that you are better than anything and everything they made you out to be. You need to know that you didn’t deserve the treatment you received. You need to know that you will love again. You need to allow yourself time to heal, but you are worth loving. You are stronger than they ever allowed you to feel.

You have already taken the first step. You did what many others cannot find the strength to do. You left him. You cut the cord. You walked away and blocked them. You showed your strength. It was probably the hardest breakup of your life because, for some reason, you did still love him. You need to learn from this. You need to realize that all of this was the psychological manipulation of a mad man.

Take this experience to heart and use it as a learning experience. Remember what it was that first set off the warning signs and know that if you see those red flags again, that it is time to run like hell. Do not let this man take your power. You were strong enough to leave and that in itself says something. You will feel somewhat battered for a while. You might not feel that you can date for a time. Allow yourself to heal. Allow yourself to make your life all about yourself again. 

Allow yourself to realize that the person who he made doubt their existence is still there. She is still inside of you just waiting for you to awaken her, to empower her, to trust her again.