The Most Important Reason Why You Shouldn't Allow Your Tween To Use Social Media

Nov 15, 2018 by apost team

The tween years are a jumble of emotions and transitions for both parents and their children. Not quite a kid but not quite a teenager, the tween stage can leave you feeling exhausted as a parent. Gone are the days of simple innocence, where your child's main focus in life was hanging out with you (because you were the coolest person on earth).

Now they have become completely focused on themselves. They want to experiment with their identity and try new things, which typically leads to changes in fashion, friends, and personality and a disdain for your opinion on their choices. They can be messy and disorganized and seem to act without actually thinking through the consequences.

Tweens believe they crave independence, but through your parent eyes, they are still a child and the inappropriate jokes about bodily functions only serve to solidify your case.

As your child transitions into the stage of tweendom, you will find that you are changing as well. While your child is changing physically and emotionally, you will notice that your rational thinking begins to adjust to this new mid-sized person you have living in your home. You no longer see your kid as this innocent little being that can do no wrong.

Instead, when confronted with a scenario in which your child possibly engaged in some questionable behavior, like, I don't know, mooning the teacher during fourth period, you probably roll your eyes and automatically begin calculating how long he will be grounded this time. Somewhere between the last, "I hate you" and "Can you drive me to the mall?" you begin to realize that you can't put anything past the impulsive nature of the tween brain. You just ride the current until the next transition into the teen years.

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As soon as you thought you've gotten a handle on this stage and you've settled in for the long haul, your kid comes to you with the question of whether they can finally have a cell phone. In their world, finally means they have waited 11 years to have access to the world and they are already are so far behind because apparently all of their friends have one.

And for whatever reason, you cave.

Maybe it's because they have to stay home alone after school for a few hours and you want them to have the ability to contact you if there is an emergency as they are walking home from their bus stop. Maybe you want to reward them for good behavior and grades. Or maybe, you just want one minute of conversation with your kid that does not center on purchasing them a cell phone.

Whatever, the reason, you give in and your kid is happy for about two months, at which time they begin pestering you about gaining access to a social media account. And as much as you want to give in, I'm here to tell you don't do it.

While social media may seem like a great way for your tween to connect to their friends, in reality, their brain has not reached the stage of development in which social media is appropriate for them, and in some cases, it can prove dangerous to their social and emotional well-being. Here are a few logic-based reasons why tweens should not engage in social media:

1. Social media was created for adult engagement. The imagery and conversations on social media are designed for adults and may trigger inappropriate emotional responses and impulsive behaviors in tweens whose frontal lobes are still developing. While you as a parent can teach your tween about how to use technology in a responsible manner, they won't be able to process the information they see on social media with a manner of sophistication until they are older and their brains have fully developed.

2. Social media has no educational value. Social media does not provide any educational or developmental sustenance for your child. While it may be promoted as a way to encourage social connectedness, in essence, social media serves a sole entertainment purpose, and can even make your child feel more distant from their peers.

3. Tweens tend to overdo it. The impulse to have "more" is very strong in tweens and can lead to somewhat obsessive and dangerous accrual of online friends.

4. Social media can become addictive. Studies show that social media use in teens and tweens can set the wheel in motion towards addictive behaviors in a child's later years.

5. Social media replaces the soft social skills learned during the tween years. Learning to communicate with others, establishing and maintaining eye contact and listening are all soft skills that are honed during the tween years and it's important that tweens hone these skills in a real-world setting instead of through a screen.

6. Loss of family ties. By always being "connected" to friends, the undeveloped tween brain begins to see their friends as their main form of support, rather than building a healthy bond with their family. Friends are, of course, important, but tweens also need a strong familial bond as well.

7. Decreased ability to learn new things. The human brain is at it's most optimal for learning and storing new information during the teen and tween years. Engagement in social media encourages tweens to waste their time stuck to a screen rather than exploring the real world and learning new things.

So how can you help your tween have a happy, healthy development and not succumb to the pitfalls of social media? The main thing is to delay access to social media for your kids as long as possible. When access is given, follow all of their accounts, or better yet, create a family account instead of an account where your child has individual access. This way you can give your child some independence while still monitoring everything that is happening on their account.

Establish strict rules when it comes to social media. Most importantly, only allow social media to be used on large screens, such as computers or laptops and limit their screen time to certain pre-arranged hours. Since your kid will more than likely not monitor themselves, this will help to make sure that they are not overdoing it when using social media.

Lastly, it is very important that real-world time is scheduled with family and friends. Arrange outings and meetups with friends and family time where technology, such as smartphones and computers are discouraged.

It may seem like technology has a lot of control in your home, but you can regain some of that control by setting technological boundaries for your children and your family. Setting these boundaries will help to ensure that your children have a healthy balance real world and digital socialization.

If you found this information helpful or have your own suggestions for healthy digital consumption for tweens, we would love to hear from you! Let us know in the comments and show this article to all the parents you know.

Our content is created to the best of our knowledge, yet it is of general nature and cannot in any way substitute an individual consultation by your doctor. Your health is important to us!