Stepfather Drops ‘Parental Duties’ After Wife Says He’s ‘Not The Father’ When He Tried To Discipline His Stepchildren

Aug 14, 2023 by apost team

At its very core, blended families are innately complex and complicated as people are walking on eggshells on the idea of ownership, responsibility, and overstepping, among many others. 

For stepfathers and stepmothers, it is especially difficult to manage as they also have to strike a balance between being a figure of authority while also exercising restraint and fostering affection for their stepchildren. 

In the case of a stepfather who took to the AITA Thread on Reddit on Aug. 10, 2023, he was wondering if he was in the wrong for “checking out” of parental responsibility on his stepchildren after his own wife dismissed him. 

User u/RealisticPirate5663 revealed that he and his wife had been married for about four years already. For context, his wife had three children from her previous relationships, and she brought that into their marriage, while the Original Poster (OP) already had one. 

“They moved into my house after the marriage because I live in a better school district. Obviously we’ve had our ups and downs but overall it’s been good until a couple of weeks ago when I woke up and found a large dent running down the entire passenger side of my car. The dent is about a hands wide, starts at the front fender, and runs down all the way to the rear tire,” he recalled. 

Surprised and furious about the car damage, he checked the doorbell camera to see if it had captured anything substantial. He was shocked to see that his 16-year-old stepdaughter sneaked out of the house in the middle of the night and used his car. What made matters worse was that she returned to the house in the wee hours of the night as she stumbled to make it to the doorstep.

According to OP’s recollection on the thread, he “angrily showed” his wife the video footage and told her that their daughter should be punished for it, although his wife insisted she would just talk to her instead. 

“I argued that talk isn’t enough which led us into an argument. My wife argued that the new family dynamic has been hard on the kids while I argued that it doesn’t excuse the damage done to my car. I wanted her to agree to ground our daughter from social media and make her get a job to pay for the damage. We argued for hours until she said I don’t get a say in any punishment because I’m not her father,” OP recalled hearing. 

Hearing that he was “not the father” of the children ticked OP off, prompting him to walk out of the argument. From that point forward, OP had since checked out of his “parental duties.” 

However, OP assured that he still made sure that the kids were safe and well-fed, and he still talked to them daily despite everything; he just refused to do anything that a father would do – even refusing to drop them off at their doctor appointments.  

“They start school next week and I’ve dropped them off ever since they moved in but I told my wife she’ll have to do it this year. She argued she can’t because of her work schedule and I answered a mother would figure it out. She called me a child and to grow up. I think since I’m not the father I don’t have to take on the responsibilities of one but obviously, she disagrees,” he pointed out. 

The wife even wanted OP to lie to authorities and report the damage as a hit-and-run to claim its insurance. 

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The responses on the Reddit Thread were in unison – OP’s wife was clearly in the wrong in the said encounter. 

Many questioned OP’s wife about her parental decisions and choices, bewildered that she would want to commit insurance fraud rather than discipline her child.

“NTA but your wife definitely is. What kind of mother is fine with her 16 year old daughter stealing a car, driving drunk, and causing some sort of accident? If I did that I wouldn't have a social life until I went off to college,” a user mulled. 

“NTA. Her daughter is a budding car thief and she is not concerned enough to punish her. The new dynamic is hard? Tell mom and daughter next time you are calling the cops and they can tell them about the new dynamic,” another commented. 

“Insurance fraud is a crime. Don't do it. Also, you had better report the theft of your car and the accident to the police. She obviously hit something with it, and there's a good chance a camera somewhere recorded your car and it can be traced back to you,” someone reminded. 

Many also sided with OP because of how the wife conveniently chooses when and where he would act as parental authority. 

“NTA. Your wife doesn’t get to pick and choose when you get to act like a parental authority. She’s also wrong about the hit & run scenario. If you get it repaired, you’ll have to pay your deductible. And it will Jack up your rates,” a user posted. 

“NTA, but you are about to get divorced. Obviously this is untenable. You MUST have parental authority if they are going to be in your house, AND your wife wants you to do all the parent's work with none of the authority,” one pointed out. 

What can you say about OP’s problem? Do you think he was in the wrong? When do you think a stepparent should assume parental authority? Let us know, and pass this on to your family and friends!