Single Father Opens Up Online About Not Having The Same Support As Single Moms, He Says

Aug 24, 2021 by apost team

Being a parent comes with a whole new way of navigating life. From doing the school run to taking your kids to the playground, there is a whole new world that opens up once someone has children. 

And as any mom or dad knows, it's not easy to be a parent. Of course, the rewards are amazing but on some days it can just be incredibly difficult to get through. That's certainly the case in a family in which both parents live in the same house and share the workload together, but even more so for those who are parenting children on their own, be it a single mom or single dad.

One single dad who has half custody of his children feels that in society, single fathers who do the same amount of work as their female counterparts aren't given the same credit or support that single mothers are. Upset with this, he took to Reddit's Unpopular Opinion subreddit to vent about the topic, detailing his situation in a thread titled, "Being a single dad with half custody is just as hard as being a single mom but I don't have a rally cry of support behind me."

His post was met with a mixed response, with some fathers agreeing with him, while other people pointed out that having half custody isn't the same as a full custody single parent, who, more than likely, is usually a single mom. Nevertheless, his post opened up a conversation on the topic — let's see what people had to say.

The father began his post detailing his situation while expressing his thoughts on the matter:

"My ex has women telling her on social media how amazing she is for raising kids [on] her own and how strong and independent she is for picking herself up after the divorce (that she caused with her affair) and being a mom. I have none of that."

He goes on to explain that it's not about people around him thinking whether he's a good dad or not, but rather it's a bigger societal problem where "we have made the single mom a sort of unsung hero." He adds: 

"What about single dads? We do the same s***. I work and take care of my kids the same way but I don't get celebrated like I'm doing something amazing. I just get the recognition that almost all dads get ... nothing."

In an edit to his original post, he reiterated that his post wasn't about getting a pat on the back for being a good dad but rather about bringing awareness to his perceived inequality of single dads versus moms. He wrote:

"I've been to mom groups to socialize my kids and I'm this weird anomaly and they don't even talk to me so then I play with my kid so I'm not just there on my phone. Its not the same for us. We don't have the same resources."

The post blew up and got people talking, with hundreds of replies coming in. But one recurring point was people pointed out that being a father who is single and has half custody is not the same as being a single parent with full custody of their children.

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One person explained this quite simply:

“Single parent with half custody isn’t nearly the same as true single parent, and I think people tend to assume with single mom, dad isn’t in the picture, but with single dad mom is still around.”

Meanwhile, another questioned whether the term "single parent" even applies if you have half custody, explaining, in that case, you're actually just a parent who is single. They wrote:

“Nobody cares if you’re single relationship wise. The single is referring to custody/responsibility. It means you’re in it alone, not that you don’t have a spouse. People use it incorrectly to refer to their situation, to get the extra points or something. I know if my wife and I split up (god forbid), our daughter would have both of us. I would not refer to myself as a single dad.... I’d just be a dad, who is single.”

However, the father still had support from a number of other dads, with one writing:

“I think single dads definitely have it harder. Single moms seem to have so much more geared towards helping them, while dads don’t have anything. I’ve actually seen first hand discrimination between the two at jobs I’ve worked at, where moms have been given preferential treatment, but dads have been told to “tough it out”. My hat goes off to all single dads.”

For what it's worth, the original poster made a second edit to his comment commending single parents who have full custody. He wrote, "I can't imagine doing it completely on my own 24/7 and those people get major props."

What do you think about this father's post about single dads not getting as much recognition as moms? Pass this on to any parents you know so they can weigh in with their thoughts too.