Man Prioritizes His Mother Over Helping Pregnant Wife After Telling Her 'You Know My Mom Comes Before You'

Sep 22, 2023 by apost team

Being able to decipher boundaries in marriage is something often overlooked, especially with the couple’s parents. It is pertinent to note that when boundaries are not set or respected in a marriage, it could breed resentment and strain in any such union. This was the situation a Redditor with the username Itchy_Following_6298 found herself in when her husband categorically told her his mom was more important in the entirety of their union. 

The Redditor took to the AITA community in September 2023 to seek the opinions of others on the situation. The 26-year-old Redditor began her story by explaining how her 32-year-old husband is a “complete mommas boy.” She wrote:

"He'll call his mother for hours and talk to her and spend time with her more than he does with me."

Continuing her story, the OP, who had just hit her six-month mark in pregnancy and needed all the help, had asked her husband to assist in getting the nursery ready. To her surprise, her spouse told her that spending time with her would "interfere with time spent with his mom." The OP replied, "Yeah it might, but I need you more right now and would you if you did some other time." The woman continued by writing her husband's reply after he gave her an offended look. He told her:

"'You know my mom comes before you'?"

The OP was shocked by her husband's utterance and explained that she just needed a little help sorting some things out. Despite her need for support, he left for his mother's house.

One detail that deeply upset the pregnant Redditor was how her mother-in-law called to gloat about her son choosing her over his wife. The OP wrote:

"After a while, she called me and said 'I won', in a snarky voice and I just bite my tongue and said 'maybe I'll win next time' and she hanged up. I could hear my husband laughing in the background and that just angered me for a while and I was walking around lifting my fold up upstairs."

The Redditor continued to write that it was their anniversary a couple of weeks after the incident, "and I woke up and got my husband's gift ready that day and cooked his favorite meal." The lady continued to give an account of how the anniversary day went in her story. She wrote:

"He came back from work and I was upstairs in the bathroom and he left. I got all eager and happy that he was bringing some sort of surprise and waited in the living room. 30 minutes go by and I call him saying where are you. He replies with 'oh I'm at my moms house'."

Already livid about the situation, the OP lashed out at her spouse telling him his mom "might as well be having your kid you clearly seem like your (sic) with her" before hanging up the phone. However, the OP mentioned that she was not proud of her statement, which she uttered in a burst of anger.

The Redditor continued to write that she received several texts a few minutes after she hung up the call, which was probably on speaker.

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The texts were from her husband and his mom and said OP should not be jealous, she should respect her mother-in-law, and "I should maybe find something to do instead of being a bitter a**hole." The OP then asked, “AITA?”

Various users replied to the story. One person criticized: "YTA to yourself. He's told you and showed you many times that you and the is baby are not important. Why are you still there hoping for change?" Another user wrote: "Oh wow. Condolences OP on being the pregnant side chick." A third user commented: " NTA!! Its time to get a good divorce lawyer and look into getting primary custody cause I have a feeling he would try to take the baby away from you so him and his mom can raise the baby together." 

Someone expressed: "HUGE NTA BUT WTH are you married to this man? How long did you know him before you married him? Surely he behaved the same way." A fifth user emphasized, "NTA and time to say goodbye."

In an updated part of the post, the Redditor acknowledged her previous disregard for these issues. She told her husband she would leave if their circumstances did not improve, to which he agreed to adapt. "I think my MIL is competing with me," she said, and added, “I never really noticed things like this because of me being the blind person I am to these kinda things.”

In another update, she spoke to her husband about how he needed to start treating her as his wife, or she would leave the marriage. Her husband had told her he would change. The Redditor also spoke to her MIL, however, her MIL " just laughed and said you won't win that easily." The OP ended her story by thanking people for their support.

Isn't it commendable that the OP was able to stand her ground concerning the disregarded boundaries? How would you respond in these circumstances? Let us know, and be sure to pass this on to others.