Ex-Partner’s Mother Demands Grandchild To Refer To Her As ‘Mom’ Instead Of ‘Grandma’

Sep 03, 2021 by apost team

Raising a child is a huge responsibility that can come with many challenges, but also plenty of amazing moments. Being by a child’s side as they grow up means getting to watch them flourish while giving them all the love and care they deserve. However, this process becomes challenging if a family is fragmented and finding its way to co-parenting. 

When two people are mature and respectful of each other, this process is easy and supportive. They know boundaries and their roles clearly and help each other raise a child with double the love. When a child is put first, all parties in a co-parenting situation win. However, this happens less often than one may think, and unfortunately, children are put between ego battles that may be harmful. 

Sometimes, the tension and fighting can begin even before a child is born! In one situation, a pregnant woman was caught explaining to her ex-partner's mother that she would not be called "mummy." For any mother, the title of "mom" and its other variations are something special and unique only for her, so when another woman expects that title bestowed on her instead, this can cause anger and resentment. 

However, the unnamed woman who was in this situation was made to feel as though she was wrong for telling her ex's mother that she was not allowed to have her grandchild call her "mummy," as this was reserved only for the actual mother. Unfortunately, she did not receive any support from her ex-partner nor his mother, and turned to Reddit for third-person advice. 

In her Reddit post, the unnamed woman explained her situation, "I’m (F22) currently 8 months pregnant with my first child my ex and I have been off and on for about 3 years. He (24M) has been back and forth about being involved which is his choice currently we have been getting along and were in agreement about what we wanted for our child." 

She continued, " Now to his mom, she day one questioned our daughter being his. Since then has said multiple times she will 'take her and raise her' if I don’t do it correctly?! She also said she wanted our child to call her 'Mami' I said politely no that I’m not comfortable with that it is essentially the same thing as Mommy/Mom. She said okay." 

However, the soon-to-be grandmother's expectation that her grandchild would call her some form of "mom" did not abate. "She brought it up AGAIN my ex told me he addressed it and told her no it wasn’t okay. Then the other day he tells me 'just thought you should know she (his mom) said that she’s excited for the baby to be here and that baby will probably call her mom,'" the woman continued. 

"At this point he obviously isn’t making it clear to her that no our child is not hers baby will not call her mom," she wrote, and it seemed clear from the past experience she had with her ex's mother that the unreasonable grandmother was not going to budge. This would make things difficult in the future. 

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The woman continued to give more details about the parenting situation coming up in the future. "I will have our child 90% of the time he only wants to see her once a week. That’s his choice fine, it’d be different if MIL was in fact going to be around our child 24/7 raising baby like MILs mother raised her kids then I could understand it. But that’s not what’s going to happen at all," she explained. 

So the woman stood her ground and decided to tell her ex's mother to back off. "She’s pissed at me for calling her out on it and putting my foot down firmly but AITA? Am I just being influenced/enraged by my pregnancy hormones? Or is it not okay especially if I’ve told her multiple times before no I’m not comfortable with that? Thank you for reading," the woman concluded and asked for advice. 

Most people who read the post told the woman that the situation may be more serious than previously thought. The top comment advised, "Be smart. Document every instance like this so in the event that she tries to take the child from you, you have proof with dates that she has been acting like this from the start. There’s a post somewhere out there called the FU Binder. You might want to start one in case she tries calling CPS on you and making false claims."

The commenter continued, "As for your ex, it’s important to establish some type of custody arrangement. You need a court ordered custody arrangement to protect yourself and your child. You should also file for child support. It wouldn’t be fair to let your ex walk in and out of your child’s life as he pleases or his wants change."

What would you do in such a situation? Do you think it's reasonable for a grandmother to expect to be called "mummy?" Tell us your thoughts, and be sure to pass this onto others as well.