Daughter Faces Dilemma About Whether To Attend Mom's Wedding That Falls On Same Day As Her Dad's Death Anniversary

Sep 08, 2023 by apost team

An amazing mother-and-daughter relationship is one that every mom and child longs for. Every mother and daughter dreams of having a relationship built on mutual love and respect. Apart from that, a mother is also like the first best friend their daughter makes before going into the world to become social. They also share a special and enviable bond. This relationship could help them when they are going through a rough day or need some advice.

However, not all mothers have this blissful relationship with their daughters. For some, one reason or the other could have led to a different kind of relationship. A Redditor with the username Nitrosunman shared the story of her strained relationship with her mom in the AITA community in May 2022. The Redditor explained how she was faced with a dilemma because she had refused to attend her mother's wedding ceremony, which was fixed on her father's death anniversary.

More often than not, dysfunctional families deal with relationship issues, and in the OP’s case, there was an unseen competition between her parents. She (the original poster) further explained that her father died four years ago from cancer. 

The OP revealed that although watching her father pass away was traumatic, she was also further traumatized by what came next. She added:

"Also the stuff that happens after (getting taken away in a body bag from the house etc). It was only 4 years ago."

The OP then went ahead to give an insight into her mother's previous behaviors. She explained that her mother "was always very jealous through his illness that we didn't spend any time with her."  

The Redditor's mother lived seven hours drive away from them. She also revealed what her mother would usually say. She wrote:

"She would say things like it feels like the wrong parent died, and that she had been waiting for him to pass so we could finally spend more time with her and that she has been keeping her mouth shut the entire time he was sick."

OP further explained that her mother never apologized for those words, but she let it go so they "could have a relationship." Also, her father had battled with cancer for six years before he finally passed away. In a comment, the Redditor shared that her mother did not acknowledge her feelings when conversing. She added that her mother would sometimes get nasty at her and "she says super damaging things and it's not worth hearing it and having that in my head."

The Reddit user also shared an encounter with her mother. She relayed that her mother had reached out to her two weeks earlier, which was the death anniversary of her own mother (the Redditor's grandmother). The OP's mother shared "how she was really struggling on that day and asking for support." The Redditor relayed, "I ended the convo with 'yea I understand how that would be really hard for you,'" to give her mother a taste of her own medicine. 

The OP then shared that her mother was getting remarried. She added that the wedding ceremony was a "super small backyard wedding etc. It's very informal, she invited a small group of friends and family." She further explained that the invited guests were not even 10 people and the wedding was to be held at the house.

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However, the Redditor continued that her mother chose to have her wedding on the same date as her father's death anniversary, which the OP explained was "a weird day to have a wedding." She noted that she was still struggling with her father's death and wasn’t sure she could handle the emotions as well as attend her mom’s ceremony. The OP further shared:

"I told her all of this and she responded that he is dead and she is still alive and if I feel that way she will just cancel the whole wedding." 

She also wrote that she asked her mother why she wanted her anniversary on that same day but got no response. Instead, her mother said she would cancel the wedding if the OP did not attend. In an update, the Redditor shared that she needed advice "to help me set a healthy boundary." 

Other Reddit users duly showed support by sending their deductions in the comment section. One user wrote, "Stop worrying about her and make yourself a priority, focus on you." Another wrote, "Reach out to her fiancé and let him know." Someone advised: “NTA. Please do not allow her to emotionally manipulate you.” 

One person chimed, “NTA and it is clear they are a lot of things how need to come out because it’s killing you inside.” Another Redditor stated, “This is a cruel thing for your mother to do, and it seems as if she’s trying to guilt you about it.” 

The Redditor ended the story by sharing that the wedding was canceled due to "unrelated health reasons" before adding that the problem solved itself. 

Do you agree that the OP did right by standing her ground? What do you think of her mom's actions? Let us know, and be sure to pass this on to others.