Dad Angry Over His 19-Year-Old Spending An Outrageous Amount Of Money On Her Hair & Insists She Pay Rent

Aug 21, 2023 by apost team

Kids at any stage of development are a handful to manage. Parents have to be tactful about how to approach issues with their children without turning them away or making them feel unwanted. But despite the complexity involved in parenting kids, parenting adult children is one of the most difficult. 

In one such case, Reddit user @u/haircoloraita in a 2022 post, detailed how his grown-up daughter, who didn't contribute to the rent, spent an outrageous amount dyeing her hair.

The original poster (OP) started the post by explaining that he shared three children with his wife, the first of whom is 19-year-old Kate, who just graduated from high school and lived at home with the family. He revealed that she turned down the opportunity to go to college despite getting admitted to a few because she wanted a break and wasn’t quite sure she wanted to proceed to college. OP and his wife supported her decision and laid down basic rules for her to live by in the house.

“These were pretty basic rules. She had to work at least 30-hours a week and continue to help around the house. I wanted her to pay a token rent which we would put away and give back to her when she moves out, but my wife disagreed as she wanted Kate to learn to save money on her own,” he wrote.

OP further explained that Kate struggled with anxiety and had been in therapy since her junior year in high school. He also shared that, like most people in her age group, she struggled with impulse control, which impacted her spending habits and caused her to spend money as soon as she got it. 

According to OP, Kate spends her money on clothes, jewelry, makeup, spa visits, etc. OP considered many of these unnecessary. However, when he cautioned her over her spending habits, the conversation usually ended in a fight, with Kate reminding him that it was her money and she could spend it however she pleased. 

OP noted that she lived in the house and was fed for free. For that reason, OP felt he was obligated to have a say in how much she saved, seeing that she had saved less than a thousand dollars. 

Further in the post, OP revealed that Kate returned home with a  rainbow hairdo that cost $300. When she was quizzed about her outrageous spending, and told OP that it was essential to her mental health. He wrote:

“I told her that if she can afford to spend $300 on her hair, then she can afford to pay us rent. She immediately got defensive and reiterated that it is her money and she will spend it how she wants. She said I don't understand why this is important to her and that she hates that I am so controlling over what she does.”

After OP insisted that he had a right over Kate’s critical choices so long as she continued living in the house, she stormed off to her room in protest. OP's wife was not on the same page as him; she asked him to support their daughter’s financial choices, stating that she needed to learn on her own. He shared:

“I told her that we need to have a conversation about Kate continuing to live with us because we have other kid to support and Kate is an adult and should be contributing something to the house if she's going to stay here.”

apost.com

Readers on the platform took to the comment section to share their opinion, with many in support of the OP for his stance on his excessive spending daughter.

“NTA. Everyone saying '$300 isn't expensive for hair coloring' you're missing the point. She doesn't NEED to color her hair, so yes $300 is a lot for something you literally don't need-- and saying 'it helps her mental health' is a load of crap. If she is choosing to live at home then her parents absolutely are within their right to assert some control over how she lives her life. Y'all are acting like her dad wants to enforce strict rules and curfew or something like that. Paying a small amount of rent to put aside for her is the least controlling way to get her to work on her spending habits. Anyone who doesn't see this is an idiot,” one user commented.

“NTA, she's 19 and an adult and needs to learn responsibility which she seems to be failing at. Plus you plan on giving it back anyway at some point in the future,” commented another in support of the dad.

Others were against him for his perceived controlling attitude.

“YTA. Mom of a 19 y/o here. You gave her your guidelines; work, and help with the house. A year ago she had to ask to go to the bathroom in school. People do not become adults overnight. If you want to help her, sit down and help her with a plan. She will mess up lots and lots during her life,same as the rest of us did. Give her a little grace,” a third person commented. 

“YTA imagine making your children who you MADE and had no control of being born pay rent 🤣🤣,” wrote another.

What do you think of OP’s daughter spending $300 on her hair? Do you think the OP’s daughter should pay rent? What would you do if you were in a similar situation? Let us know and — and be sure to pass this article on to friends, family members, and other people you think would have an answer!