Boyfriend’s Expectation That Girlfriend Cooks Dinner Leads To Heated Argument About Sexism & Gender Roles

Mar 25, 2022 by apost team

Being in a relationship can definitely have its ups and downs, especially during the first few months of dating. During this time, most partners are still getting to know each other and are learning about each other’s expectations, experiences and communication styles. Not being on the same page when it comes to communicating can be detrimental for some relationships, but can be a good learning experience for others.

For one 28-year-old woman, she found herself struggling a bit following a communication issue with her 32-year-old boyfriend. They had only been dating for a few months and we’re still getting to know each other. The woman stayed over at her boyfriend’s house one night and then stayed in his home the next day while he was at work since she had the day off. This way, they would be able to have dinner together when the boyfriend got home.

However, the boyfriend was under the impression that his partner was going to have dinner ready for him when he got home, but the girlfriend didn’t realize that that was what he expected. This resulted in an argument and the girlfriend left without having dinner with her boyfriend. When she told her friends about what happened, they all agreed that her boyfriend was being incredibly rude and even misogynistic.

Since then, the woman has wondered if she was right or wrong for not making dinner that day, and went to Reddit in February 2022 to ask users for their advice and thoughts on who they thought was actually in the wrong in this situation.

Starting off her Reddit post, the original poster (OP) explained how she and her boyfriend have been together for a few months. “Everything was going well with no issues until a few nights ago,” she said.

OP explained how she slept over at her boyfriend’s place and the next day she had the day off, but her boyfriend had to work. “He said that if I wanted to I could hang out at his place while he was gone and then he’d be home for dinner at 6 p.m.,” OP said. She decided to stay and spend the day reading books and playing with her partner’s pet.

“At 6 p.m. he comes home, says hello, and asks what I cooked for dinner,” OP said. “I thought he was joking around and joked back that I’d been slaving over a hot stove all day. He got excited and asked if I’d gone to the market or if I was able to use ingredients that he had in the kitchen.”

Unfortunately, OP and her boyfriend had some miscommunication issues, and their lighthearted conversation quickly soured. “I then asked him if he had seriously expected me to have dinner on the table when he got home,” OP continued. “He said yes. He said that was why he made a point of telling me exactly when he’d be home for dinner.” 

This didn’t sit well with OP. “I said I wasn’t a housewife,” she explained. “He said he knows that, but I was in his house all day so he didn’t understand why I wouldn’t have gone ahead and cooked dinner.”

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The couple’s miscommunication led to a small argument. OP explained, “He tried to shrug it all off as a misunderstanding and offered to order delivery. I was kind of annoyed and decided to leave instead of eating together.” When OP spoke with her friends about what happened, many of them agreed that he was being “misogynistic” and was being very rude.

OP continued, “But the one thing is that he wasn’t mean or demanding when he was asking about dinner, he just seemed genuinely surprised and disappointed that I didn’t cook or that I didn’t think to cook, like it was an obvious thing that anyone would’ve known to do.”

After asking Redditors for their thoughts, many users sided with OP and said that she wasn’t in the wrong in this situation. However, they were split on whether her boyfriend was actually being misogynistic or if it was simply just a case of miscommunication. 

One user commented, “If he wanted you to cook dinner then he should have ASKED. This gives you some nice insight as to what life would be like with him.” Another user said, “He should’ve communicated his expectations not made an assumption. I don’t think he’s being misogynistic necessarily, at least, there isn’t enough information to fully assess.”

A third user said, “It sounds like an issue of miscommunication/cultural assumptions. His willingness to ‘shrug it off and order delivery’ shows that he’s willing to meet you halfway. But if he doesn’t cook when you are working and he has a day off, then it would be time to question if his perspective is misogynistic.”

Do you think this was just an issue of miscommunication, or do you think this problem goes deeper? Let us know, and be sure to pass this along to your family and friends to find out their thoughts as well.