15 Etiquette Rules That Everyone Should Know

Jun 29, 2018 by apost team

Manners hold many values and principles, such as making everyone feel comfortable through uniformity in social situations, respect for others, and common courtesy. But how many of us practice good table manners? Do you even know the protocols for formal dining? 

Pier Forni, author, and professor at John Hopkins University compares manners to the traffic lights of life; cars move in all directions, with traffic lights keeping them aligned within an orderly system so that everyone gets where they’re going and we all don’t crash into each other. 

One of the most common socialization is in sharing a formal meal. While you may see others picking their teeth at a table, sloshing around cocktails, or using their napkin like a race car flag, it doesn’t mean that you should lower your own standards to follow suit and throw your own table manners on the floor. It’s important to be courteous and understand the rules of etiquette at any formal table so that you can feel confident, show your decency and avoid offending other guests.

Here are some basic rules of a formal table to get you started:

Upon arriving, make sure that your right hand is free to greet the host and other guests. This is why handbags/briefcases are carried on the left arm or in the left hand. Proper greetings show respect and appreciation that others have made the effort to share their time with you. 

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Upon arriving at a dinning establishment, bags and outerwear should be placed in a cloakroom, not hung on the back of your chair. Private parties will also often have a designated area for guests to drop off personal belongings. Do not wear a hat indoors, especially to a dinner table. 

Think of the phone as a zero tolerance at a formal table, whether that be sitting on the table or hiding it in your lap. You don’t text, browse, socialize on social media, or accept phone calls. You’re there to socialize with the guests present at the table. Be interested and engaged there, not by your phone. Anything less signals that you don’t value the other guests and the time they’ve sacrificed to be in your company.

To give a toast, stand and raise your glass to eye level. Do not cling the glass with a utensil. While movies have made the clan-clang of glasses together following the toast a popular notion, civilized society dropped the ritual centuries ago. Each guest simply raises their glass in recognition of the toast and takes a small sip at the conclusion. 
 

Breakfast, lunch, and brunch napkins are smaller than dinner napkins. The latter should be unfolded by half and immediately placed in your lap upon being seated. Breakfast-sized napkins should be completed unfolded and placed in your lap upon being seated. Do not pop or sling your napkin during the unfolding process. Do not place it in the rim of your shirt as a bib. If it drops to the floor in an establishment, leave it and the waiter will replace it. If it drops to the floor at a privately hosted dinner, pick it up and place it back in your lap. Dab, not wipe, your mouth with your napkin. If you must leave the table before you’re done eating, place your napkin across the seat of your chair. Only place your napkin on the left side of your dinner plate once you’re completely finished with your meal. 

Unless it’s a buffet, you will wait for everyone to be served before you begin eating. If there’s a hostess, she may offer a verbal cue to begin eating once everyone has been served. 

While a nice gesture, helping the waiter clear the table of courses at a restaurant is a big no-no. Don’t hand him/her dishes. This may seem elitist, but it’s actually to avoid spills and slips that could result in guests leaving with stained clothing. The same goes for the refilling of empty glasses. At privately hosted parties, you may offer assistance to your hostess, but her etiquette dictates that she politely decline. 

At home, most of us just reach on in and take a handful of nuts, but at fine dining establishments and parties, you’ll find a nut spoon. This is to scoop the nuts into a plate or napkin.

Coffee and tea have stirring spoons for sugar and milk. Once you’ve stirred, place the spoon on your saucer. Do not drink with the spoon still in the cup, even if you’re not sure you have it to your likening yet.

Hold your fork in your left hand with the tines down for formal dining and tines up for casual dining. Your right hand is for your knife. If you are in conversation or drinking from your glass, rest your fork and knife diagonally across the top right-hand side of the plate. To signal you’re done with a course, leave the fork and knife parallel across the center of the plate; the handles will be on the right rim at four o'clock. 

Simply put, grooming is for the bathroom. Do not touch your hair, apply makeup, or pick at your teeth or nails at the table.

The host signals when dinner is over. If it’s a dinner date, the lady is the one who decides when dinner is complete. 

Reserve your appreciation for the end of the meal. Thank your hostess and other guests. Be polite to staff and other guests, saying please, thank you, and no thank you as necessary during the meal. 

If there is cause to apologize, do so. But, only do it once. Repeating apologies makes others uncomfortable. Instead, just make every attempt to not repeat whatever brought about the apology. 

If you have trouble remembering the utensils for each course, start at the outside and work your way inward with each course. Remove food from the mouth the same way it was put into it. Never season food before tasting it. To properly hold wine glasses, remember white stems and red bowls. No elbows on the table if there is food present on the table. Cocktail glasses are generally not brought to a formal dinner table since wine and water glasses are already in place for serving; cocktails are pre-meal beverages served in a separate area in most fine dining establishments and formal dinner parties. 

Did you know all these etiquette tips for fine and formal dining? Have more great tips for your fellow readers? Let us know and pass this on to your friends and loved ones so that good etiquette doesn't die out!