Woman Who Thought She Was Infertile Returns Adopted Twin Babies After Learning She's Pregnant

Sep 26, 2023

The unexplainable joy of parenthood remains the same, regardless of whether it’s through natural birth or adoption. However, like postpartum depression can hinder a mom from bonding with her newborn, not every adoption story is seamless.

Ali Sanders, a librarian based in Staffordshire, England, found that her connection with her adopted children was stunted. Unlike her husband, who appeared to easily get used to being around the children, she struggled to bond with them. 

However, the reason went deeper than the idea that it was a new development, and subsequently, the couple had to end the adoption process. Ali and her husband, Michael Sanders, made it to several news headlines when she opened up about an unforgettable moment in her marriage in June 2019. The author joined Daily Mail and delved into her incredible journey to motherhood. 

Ali and Michael tied the knot in 2012 and were eagerly ready to walk down the path to parenthood. After trying to conceive for years without any luck, the couple decided to get a test. Ali shared that the test revealed she was not ovulating, and her cycle's fertile phase was not long enough for her to get pregnant. On the other hand, Michael's test revealed he had some issues with motility and sperm count.

Feeling devastated by the news it was "impossible" for them to conceive naturally, the couple took another path to becoming parents and looked forward to adoption since they did not want to go through IVF. Ali also shared:

"I’d also never been hung up on having a child that was biologically mine. To me, it didn’t matter. If there were children out there who needed a loving home, we could provide it.’

Fortunately, they went through the adoption process and were paired with twin boys a few weeks after their adoption assessments and approval. 

Ali explained further that the twins were born prematurely and had developmental delays. After Christmas in 2014, the couple was approved to adopt the 8-month-old twins, whom Ali described as "chunky and squidgy, with huge brown eyes, absolutely gorgeous." For six weeks, Ali and Michael kept visiting the kids at the foster home to get to know them. They also decorated their nursery and made preparations for taking the kids home.

Ali revealed how happy her husband and the whole family were when the twins were finally brought home. However, she felt differently about everything. She relayed how she felt the first time she met the kids. Ali shared that the first time she and her husband met the twins, they were lying on the floor, and Michael joined them immediately. She revealed that she instead felt detached. Ali relayed:

"As if watching someone else. I held them, of course. I could coo over them and see how lovely they were, but I couldn’t feel it."

For a month, the couple had longer and more regular visits and even looked after the twins for a whole day. While Michael did all the feeding and changes, Ali explained that she had to force herself to chip in since she was feeling sick and wanted to lie down. Being a loving husband, Michael noticed the change in his wife's behavior but thought she was only stressed because of the situation.

A day before the couple took the twins home, Ali revealed they had a big argument. Michael could not understand why she was not excited about the adoption when she had always wanted it. She stated that when they took the babies home, "It felt like I was playing – that it wasn't real." 

After noticing his wife's behavior, Michael urged her to see a doctor. Ali explained that when she got to the hospital, the GP asked for a urine sample and returned with the news that she was pregnant. 

The couple was shocked by the news, and Ali sent Michael to get another pregnancy test kit, which also came back positive. Michael eventually asked if she wanted to go through with the adoption or if they needed to reconsider since they had not legally adopted the twins. 

Ali added that she called the social workers that evening, and the twins were taken back to the foster home that night. She shared, "As the social workers took them from us, I knew I did love them, but I also knew that was the right thing, for them and for us." She also explained:

"It was the last time I saw them. I cried and cried. I hadn’t expressed any emotion until then, but when they were taken from my arms for the last time, something inside me broke and I don’t think it will ever be fixed again." She added: "I don’t think the guilt will ever go. I let down these babies who had already been let down."

Ali also wrote a book, "When The Bough Breaks: The Pursuit of Motherhood," documenting her experience. In it, she wrote:

"My overriding memory is of sitting there praying that the twins wouldn’t wake up, because when they did, I’d have to go back to pretending to be a mother again."

Ali opened up that from the moment she was pregnant, her body refused to bond with the twins even though she desperately wanted them.

Ali and Michael welcomed their biological son, Jacob, in October 2015 and also got pregnant again with a girl later on.

The twins later found a forever home with parents who seemed to love them endlessly. 

Do you think Ali’s pregnancy was a factor in how she just could not bond with the twins? How would you react if you were in a similar situation? Let us know, and be sure to pass this on to others.