Woman Who Declined Being A Bridesmaid To Friend Of 10 Years Stirs Online Debate About Refusal Etiquette

Aug 01, 2023

Weddings can be stressful, which is why they are planned to a tee right up to the day of. With brides usually taking on a large portion of that stress, it can be so lovely to have their closest friends there along the way. But when things don’t go to plan, changes can not only be taxing but downright hurtful.

Inviting guests for an occasion like this takes a lot of meticulous planning and forethought. This is why when someone declines an invitation, some planners, brides in particular, become very stressed and emotional. 

A would-be bridesmaid took to the AITA thread on Reddit in July 2023 and wondered if she was in the wrong for declining to take on the role at short notice. According to the Original Poster (OP), her friend of 10 years initially asked her to become a bridesmaid in passing while in an unserious setting and conversation, way back before she was engaged.

But once she became engaged and the details were all set, OP thought differently.

“Unfortunately the wedding date coincides with when I think I maybe heavily pregnant or I may have a newborn baby (my partner and I want to start a family straight after we get married). Her wedding location is also about 7 hours away in another country so would require some serious travel,” she wrote on the thread. 

So as soon as the bride messaged OP, she called her back and declined the flattering invitation as bridesmaid as she is “more than likely going to be pregnant or have a newborn baby at the time of her wedding.” Ergo, she could not commit to being a bridesmaid. She would also have to back out of the wedding by then too if her pregnancy fell on the right schedule as anticipated. 

Sadly, the bride took the news “very badly.” OP recalled being interrupted on the call when she was trying to console her about her refusal. 

“She said it's all going to sh*t and then she hung up. She hasn't spoken to me in nearly 2 months,” OP noted. “I thought the best thing to do would be (to) tell her straight away instead of leaving it until a couple of months before her actual wedding and before she spends any money on bridesmaid dresses etc.”

Meanwhile, many Redditors seemed to agree that OP was in the wrong for refusing to be a bridesmaid. 

“YTA — I think you are vastly overestimating the predictably of the pregnancy timeline. Some people take 1-2 years of trying, some people take 6 months, and some immediately. It was very premature to completely refuse for this reason,” a user stated. 

“Some people (like myself) take 7 years. We’d pretty much resigned ourselves to being the fun aunt and uncle and then all of the sudden,” another echoed.

However, some believed that OP did not have any obligation to accept the invitation, whether she was already pregnant or not by the time the wedding came around. 

“NTA. You called right away so she'd have plenty of time to figure things out for her wedding. Better to do that than back out at the last minute. If this upset her enough not to speak to you for 2 months I'd say you really did the right thing to avoid all the drama,” a Redditor commented.  

“NTA. You can decline being a bridesmaid for any reason. It isn't a summons. And your intentions were good — you don't want to mess up her plans,” someone said. 

What can you say about OP’s story? Do you think she was wrong for declining to be a bridesmaid? Do you agree or disagree with people and their comments about her? Have you experienced a similar encounter? Let us know, and pass this on to your family and friends!