Woman Sparks Debate For Refusing To Let Her Boyfriend Move In With Her Until He Gets A Job

Aug 29, 2023

Love is a beautiful thing. But romantic relationships, although built on love, have several other elements that determine their success. While it is mostly not talked about enough, money, and by extension, financial stability, is one of the essential elements that determine a relationship’s success. 

Despite the belief that love conquers all, constant money problems and financial instability might be stressors in healthy relationships. Income levels, differences in spending habits, and financial goals can lead to conflicts in relationships. Ultimately, being financially stable and having a stable source of income can provide peace of mind and security; otherwise, it can cause the relationship to tear apart.

In one such case, Reddit user @u/throwaway693959, in a 2021 post, detailed her decision to decline her boyfriend’s request to cohabit with her and her sister. The original poster (OP) started the post and explained that she and her younger sister moved from their hometown to a city in another part of the country at the start of high school. Also, due to their poor backgrounds, the sisters became independent at a young age.

“I (F27) and my sister (F24) Maggie both moved from our hometown to big city in other part of the country when we started high school (which means she moved three years after me). We also both started to work full time right after high school (and part-time before) as our family is rather poor. Basically, since I had a scholarship, I was almost completely financially independent since I was 16,” OP wrote.

The sisters, considering the rising housing costs, decided to move in together and found a suitable apartment to that effect. They were particularly excited because it came at a good price with an extra room where they could work from or get a flatmate if the need arose.

Further into the post, OP revealed that she had a boyfriend, Cade, whom she had been with since they were 19 and who was a student like her and her sister. But unlike them, Cade was from a rich family and had only worked part-time for about one year. Due to his family’s financial standing, all his bills were paid for by them. 

When Cade, who was living with his parents, discovered that the sisters had an extra room, he proposed to move in as their flatmate. A proposal which she vehemently declined despite his parents' willingness to pay for his room. Per OP, besides having no job to support himself, she was certain that she wanted to spend the remainder of her life with him. OP wrote:

“When Cade found out we have an additional room, he decided he'd love to live with us. His parents who are in their fifties and I believe would like to have a house for themselves only, said they may pay for his room. I firmly said: NO. No living together until Cade will find a work. If he'll find a job, then we can talk.”

The poster’s boyfriend and his family were offended at her decision not to allow him to take the extra room in her apartment. While the boyfriend accused her of infantilizing him, his parents insinuated that she wanted to cheat on him. Despite her sister supporting her decision, OP revealed that she felt guilty about the entire situation.

“I feel pretty bad because he's my long-term bf, so maybe I should want to live with him. And maybe I hurt his and his parents feelings. But I'm afraid of taking all responsibility if, for example, his parents would decide to stop paying for him.”

Readers on the platform took to the comment section to share their opinions, with many in support of OP’s decision while also questioning her decision to remain in a relationship in which she doesn’t see a future.

“NTA. Your BF's parents are the ones that are infantilizing him. If you let him move in right now, you will become his mommy, one Redditor commented. “He needs to be able to hold down a job, and you need to see him living life fully as an adult (able to clean up after himself; ideally he'll actually live in an apartment with roommates of his own), so you can see what kind of a person he is like to people other than you and mommy/daddy.”

“NTA,” commented another. “You refuse to move in with him and the first thing he does is complain to mommy and daddy. You are not infantilizing him. He is infantile. And if you are not sure you want to move in with him, he is not "the one" OP.”

“So you’ve been with this guy for 8 years and still don’t know if you want to spend your life with him? You’re NTA but I think you two need to break up anyways and find people you’re actually compatible with. If you still 'don’t know' after 8 years then you’re probably not going to have a moment of clarity at any point during the next 8 years either. It’s not fair to yourself or to your bf to stay in a relationship you can’t commit to,” a third Redditor wrote.

“NTA- Absolute red flags on the boyfriend. Move on from someone’s who willingly wants his parents to pay his bills at 27,” yet another Redditor noted.

What do you think of this woman declining her boyfriend’s request to live in her apartment? Do you think she should end the relationship? What would you do if you were in her shoes? Let us know — and be sure to pass this article on to friends, family members, and other people you think would have an answer!