Woman Admits Her Worries About ‘Losing Out’ After Learning Her Fiancé Doesn’t Want A Joint Bank Account

Aug 14, 2023

A woman ignited a lively online discussion after sharing her concerns about her fiancé's decision to keep their finances separate even after they get married and have children. The woman, who earns approximately $80,000 a year, revealed that her partner earns around four times her salary. 

Posting her dilemma on Mumsnet on Aug. 8, 2023, the young woman, who goes by the monicker Anneofcleves1, revealed her worries about being put in a vulnerable position. She questioned whether her feelings were valid or not. 

The woman recounted that she had a conversation with her partner about their financial arrangement after marriage. She was taken aback when he informed her that their bank accounts would remain separate. 

Her future husband also proposed setting up a joint account where he would contribute specific amounts, but their finances would not be combined. He informed her as well that this arrangement would continue even after she took maternity leave and they became parents.

The post garnered swift responses from Mumsnet users, who held a range of opinions about the situation. Some believed that the woman had the right to know about their financial setup before entering marriage and parenthood. They argued that sharing finances is crucial for a young family and suggested that the couple needed to align their financial goals and responsibilities.

Others, however, took a more pragmatic stance. They noted that separate finances are more common than perceived. They also advocated for a compromise where a joint account is established for shared expenses while allowing individuals to maintain financial independence with their separate bank accounts. Some of the commenters pointed out that having personal savings and discretionary spending can prevent conflicts and arguments related to money.

"I don't know why but something about this doesn't sit right with me!" the woman wrote in the forum. "I feel like I would be the person ultimately losing out, particularly if I have a period of time out of work whilst he controls the money and dishes it out to me when he sees fit! 

However, most of the comments also cautioned the woman to think twice about getting into marriage with a guy who does not align with her ideas about marital finances. Some said that she was lucky to find out about what her man felt about money now and not after they’ve exchanged vows.

"There is something a bit off with your fiancé's approach,” one commenter, who pushed for a separate bank account from her husband, said. “I can't quite put my finger on it but there is something a bit odd.” 

"I think separate accounts are fine, you just need to both know who is paying for what," another commenter said. "Separate doesn’t mean red flag; it depends on the answers to your questions to him really."

The conversation expanded beyond the immediate situation, delving into broader aspects of financial autonomy, family planning, career choices and childcare responsibilities. Ultimately, the discussion highlighted the complexity of financial dynamics in relationships and the need for open and honest conversations about money. 

A study published in the Journal of Consumer Research in July 2023 cited that couples who keep joint bank accounts may be happier and have relationship longevity than couples whose finances are separate.  

"It's possible that joint accounts make couples happier, but it's also possible that happier couples are more likely to join their finances," said Dr. Jenny Olson, the lead study author, said, via Yahoo! 

Where do you side in this debate? Do you think couples must have a joint bank account? Do you know a couple who keep separate accounts and are fine with it? If you know someone who might be interested in this story, pass this along!