Wife Applauded For Insisting In-Laws Move To Nursing Home While Her Parents Move In

Jul 06, 2023

A wife has made the tough decision to place her aging in-laws in a nursing home while her own parents move into the house. The woman, who has been paying for the mortgage even before she got married, expressed her plans to her husband who didn't agree to the idea. However, she got overwhelming support from an online community because she stood her ground. 

In a post on Reddit's AITA forum from June 2023, the woman with the username u/aitamineorhis shared her struggle with her husband over the care of their aging parents. She said that her in-laws needed more medical attention thus they will be better off in a nursing home. 

She also explained that her husband had no legal rights to the house and had not contributed financially toward its payment when they got married. The couple faced the challenge of finding suitable living arrangements for their respective parents, both of whom are elderly and require assistance.

The woman's in-laws, facing dementia and mobility issues, were no longer able to stay in their own house. With the husband's siblings unable to accommodate them, the couple was left with the responsibility of finding a solution. However, the wife expressed concerns about the demanding nature of caring for her in-laws, as well as their previous mistreatment of her based on her race.

On the other hand, the woman's parents had recently retired and were struggling to afford their current residence in a major city. She believed that her parents, being easygoing and financially capable of contributing to the household, would be a better fit for their living arrangement. As a compromise, the wife proposed to her husband to use the money her parents would share to provide a good nursing home for her in-laws.

According to a 2021 research from the American Aging Society, a third of American adults in midlife are supporting one living parent and more than half are providing for their financial needs. At least 28 percent of these adults admit that the high strain of caring for a family member means they can't plan their retirement well. 

However, the woman’s husband, in a furious state, insisted that they should prioritize his parents' needs. The wife disagreed, pointing out that he did not have the time nor financial means to care for his parents adequately. In a heated exchange, she made it clear that her parents would move in, or her husband could choose to leave and take care of his parents elsewhere. 

“He said as his wife I should look after his parents out of love for him,” the woman wrote.  

In an update, the woman revealed that she and her husband decided to end their marriage due to their irreconcilable differences regarding their parents' care. She expressed confidence in her decision because she brings more to the table and desires an equal partnership. 

The Reddit community responded overwhelmingly in support of the woman, condemning the husband's expectation that she should solely care for his parents. Many criticized him for not being the primary breadwinner and not understanding the burden his request would place on her. The wife's decision to prioritize her parents and end the marriage was met with applause.

“Don’t know how buddy can afford to be this misogynistic when he can’t even afford to be the breadwinner and provide for his family,” one Redditor said.

"You will carry the burden of doing the majority of the work," another chimed in. "By the sounds of it, your in-laws need people with proper medical training to properly take care of them."

The story sheds light on the complex dynamics that can arise when adult children are faced with the responsibility of caring for aging parents. Do you agree with the wife’s decision? Do you know someone with a similar issue? Then pass this story along!