When He Likes You, But He Doesn't Like You Enough To Treat You Right

Oct 30, 2018

Women don't have it easy. When it comes to relationships, it's common to get tripped up by the "gray zone." Instead of being black and white, this is a gray area. A guy showed interest in you, but didn't pursue it, and you aren't sure how he feels about you.

This kind of situation can make you feel crazy. You want to know what's going on, what he's thinking. But this happens every single day. He'll seem interested, but then he'll act shady or vanish or say he's not interested in a relationship. Then he shows up again acting like a sweet and attentive boyfriend. You don't know whether he likes you or simply isn't interested.

It's completely natural to be desperate for answers. You don't want to invest emotions and time into a person who's not going to give any of that back.

Let's make some of the confusion clear. If a guy is interested in you, it'll be obvious. If you're finding yourself questioning the way the guy feels, there's one simple answer: Even if he likes you, he doesn't like you enough.

Women have this problem where they trap themselves in endless circles, wondering why their man is acting like this. You don't understand how your man can sometimes act so perfect and sometimes so... not. It always feels like he's out of reach. You end up analyzing your relationship more intensely than you actually enjoy it.

Men who won't commit tend to do so because they're cowards. They don't want to say to your face that their lack of commitment is because they're not interested enough. But they do genuinely like you, so they don't want to break up. They want to get the emotional benefits you give them without providing you with the same.

Maybe your man has a valid reason for his behavior. Maybe his job is putting him under pressure, maybe he has problems opening up, maybe an ex-girlfriend is still haunting him. All men come up with reasons that justify their behavior. But the reason isn't important. What is important are the facts.

Yes, he probably cares about you. Yes, he enjoys being with you. Yes, he likes you. No, it's not enough. Maybe his inability to commit is because he's not capable of liking someone enough to want a relationship, or maybe he can't commit to you because of reasons completely outside your control.

The point is: It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter why. Stop asking why he acts this way and start asking, "Why do I let myself be treated like this?"

If he likes to hang out and spend time with you, but won't make an official commitment, he's not doing enough.

If you hook up or talk for hours, but then you don't hear from him afterward, he's not doing enough.

If he won't be exclusive even after you've been together for a while, he's not doing enough.

If he says he wants you, but doesn't make any effort to actually come see you, he's not doing enough.

Many women instinctively believe a man's disinterest is a reflection on them. They believe that it's their problem. Sometimes, you might feel this way because if you're the problem, then you can change the situation. But it's not your job to provide a solution. You don't need to change yourself for a man who refuses to give you the emotional support you need.

Don't fall into the care giving trap. Some women believe that if they stick around long enough, they can teach a wounded man to love again. Or you might think that being prettier, doing more, and letting more go would change the situation. But you aren't the problem. Things won't be different just because you want them to be.

If your man isn't giving you commitment, nothing you do or say is going to change that fact. You have enough of your own problems to deal with without taking on his. His problems need to stay his problems.

It's definitely not easy to pull yourself out of this situation. You don't want to give up on all the energy and time you've invested. You hold onto anything that gives you a scrap of hope, disregarding the obvious signs that don't fit with your ideal reality.

You ignore the truth because accepting the truth is painful. It can make you feel crushed. But eventually you have to rip the bandage off. You have to admit that they just don't care for you as much as you care for them. It's okay. Not every person is a match.

You might find yourself rationalizing or justifying your pain. You think it hurts because he was "the one." But in truth, your pain comes from your ego. You wanted to be wanted, and not getting that makes you feel unworthy, unloved, and alone. You worry that you might have to settle or be alone forever. You become, let's face it, a little bit of a drama queen.

Instead of immediately jumping to worst case scenarios, give yourself positive affirmations instead. All that happened was that you ended things with a guy who wasn't right for you. It just didn't work out. That doesn't mean anything negative about you. It's not a moral judgment. And it's not an indicator of how all of your future relationships will go.

You deserve to be in a relationship that makes you feel happy and fulfilled. You should get back as much emotional energy and happiness as you put in. Your partner should truly be your partner in life. They should be your best friend. You should never question whether they really love you. You deserve love.

Have you ever had to deal with this kind of relationship? How did you get through it? Let others know about how you found the strength to cope.