Mother Of Teen Finally Living With Her 16-Year-Old Daughter But Wants To Throw Her Out After 2 Weeks

Oct 12, 2023

Parenting requires a lot of patience, especially when there is a bit of dysfunction. Many parents will attest to how difficult it can get when it comes to communicating with their children. It gets even tougher if there isn’t a pre-existing relationship between both parties, most likely due to circumstances. 

However, if the issue with communication is not fixed, parent-child relationships could become further strained. This was the case with a woman identified as FitUnderstanding9982 on Reddit who was at a loss with how to handle her teenage daughter’s personality.

The original poster (OP) opened up on the situation between her and her daughter in 2022, noting how she reached a point where she thought they could not live together any longer. The woman also shared a backstory to what led to her decision. 

The Redditor started her story with background information. At the time of the post, the 37-year-old OP revealed that she had her 16-year-old daughter while still in college. She explained, "My parents felt I was too young to and too broke to raise her so they raised her." 

The father of her child was not in the picture, inadvertently leaving her parents as secondary helpers. The family agreed that the OP was too young and needed to complete her college education so her parents took full responsibility for raising her daughter. 

Growing up, the OP’s daughter recognized that she was her mom, but never came around to referring to her as such. The Redditor relayed that nevertheless, she continued to perform her motherly duties by providing for her daughter. Fortunately, she did not have to do much because her parents were “capable enough.”

In all the years her parents took charge, the OP never got a real chance to bond with her daughter or live with her. She added: "... info for those calling me a bad mother for giving her away. I did not choose this."

However, 16 years later, the OP finally got the opportunity to bond with her daughter, by having her over at her home. However, things didn't go as planned. She shared: 

"The conflict started when she came to stay over at my place two weeks ago to try and bond as mother and daughter. I'll be honest, I've always wanted this, but she didn't, she only came because my parents asked her to."

She explained further: "She's a darling for the most part but she leaves every appliance she uses on. If she enters a room and turns on the lights, she will leave it on to. It's quite irritating and I tried to talk to her about it. She laughed it off every time and told stories about her bad memory and what she forgot to turn off at so and so's house."

However, the OP believed her daughter was intentionally trying to get her angry. The woman explained that she did not have a problem with turning off the lights when her daughter left them, but she was wary due to the appliances. This was because she often had her neighbor's and friends’ kids over at her apartment. However, her daughter appeared not to adhere to corrections. 

Things came to a head the day the OP’s daughter went out with friends and left the pressing iron plugged. The Redditor shared: "I only found out when my neighbor's kid (F10) told me the iron is hot. Needless to say, I was furious. I went off on my daughter when she came back and reminded her that kids like to poke at sockets and the iron could have caused an injury. Besides, it's a fire hazard. She said ok, sorry, and she would try to remember only to leave it on again this morning."

At that point, the mom felt she had had enough of her daughter’s misconduct that she considered sending her back to her grandparents. The OP revealed that her friend advised her against it because it "will blow up the only chance at bonding." 

Several Redditors spoke in the comments section, mostly opining that the woman could handle the situation in a better way. One person commented: "YTA, Going from 'unplug the iron' to 'get out of my house' is quite a leap." Another wrote: "If your response to the first parenting challenge is to kick her out, I'm glad your parents raise her. 100% YWBTA." 

Someone expressed: "Absolutely YWBTA. She's a kid. Supervise her. Check she turns the iron off." One affirmed: "YWBTA. You aren't going to have a traditional mom/kid relationship with her- that opportunity is long gone. But kicking her out is essentially going to push her to write you off."

Another person replied: "YTA. If you do this, it could take a LOT longer than you originally thought for the two of you to bond as mother and daughter." Someone else advised: "The appropriate response here is to not grant access to the iron that was left on more than once. Lock it up. You have to find ways to parent that reflect natural consequences of actions you want a kid to change."

The OP later shared an update thanking everyone who responded, while noting that she was glad she changed her mind. She also revealed that she spoke to her daughter about the situation, and they were working to make their relationship better.

Do you agree that the OP could jeopardize the relationship further by sending her daughter back? Do you know any effective mother-daughter bonding techniques they could try? Let us know, and be sure to pass this on to others.