Mom Questions Whether To Let Mother-In-Law Watch Her Toddler Again After She Treated Him To Ice Cream & A Movie

Mar 20, 2023

Every mother has her own style of parenting and this can sometimes come into conflict when those around the child have other ideas of their own. Such was the case for one mom who had some ground rules when it came to her child, which she felt her mother-in-law blatantly disrespected.

In an agony aunt post published by Slate on Jan. 20, 2023, the mother explained that she and her husband were doing their best to limit screen time and sugary foods for their 4-year-old son, Felix. She said everything had been going to plan until she had to reenter the workforce.

“That worked well until last year, when I went to work and my mother began providing regular childcare — which for her, came with dessert and cartoon time in the afternoon. We talked to her about it a few times, but she’d always revert. We finally realized she wasn’t changing and decided that it was something we could live with in exchange for the free babysitting and we focused on setting limits on weekends, and it’s been fine!” she wrote.  

However, issues arose when, during a sleepover with her mother-in-law, her son was treated to a movie and given ice cream and pancakes after she specifically told her about her rules. After the mom aired her frustration, her mother-in-law hit back.

“She said that it wasn’t fair that my mom gets to share these kinds of ‘grandma indulgences’ with Felix but she doesn’t … I told her that when she starts giving us free childcare we can talk about screens and sweets! This hit a sore spot for her, since she’d love to care for Felix but she won’t be able to retire for years, while my parents are well-off and have more free time,” she wrote.

The relationship between the mom and her mother-in-law became frosty and came to a head when Felix was invited for another sleepover. She then questioned whether she “should let Felix go only on the condition that she agrees to no TV or sugar, or if I should put my foot down here and say no on principle because she disregarded our wishes before.”

Slate’s Jamilah Lemieux then dished out some strong advice for the mom after agreeing that her wish to limit certain things for her son was valid.

“However, I have to say, I think there’s an issue with the difference in how you’ve approached that with your MIL versus how you’ve approached it with your own mother. You basically sold your mom the right to circumvent your rules in exchange for free day care. Furthermore, you literally told your MIL that she could have the same privileges if she were able to provide free day care, something you knew she could not afford to do,” Lemieux wrote.

She told the mom it was perfectly normal for grandparents to want to spoil their grandkids and that it wasn’t “fair for you to allow this dynamic to exist for your mother, but not your MIL, especially since it seems as though the primary difference between them is class.” 

She added: “Why should a lack of means prevent your MIL from indulging your son? Furthermore, it isn’t as if your MIL is going to have your son in her care that often — we’re talking about occasional sleepovers here.”

Lemieux ended her advice by entreating the mom to act more fairly.

“Please let your MIL be a grandma to her grandson. Apologize to her again and allow her to show your son a good time when he goes to visit her.”

What do you think of the mom’s conflict with her mother-in-law? Do you think her bending the rules for her mother because she’s able to provide childcare is justified? Let us know your thoughts, and don’t forget to pass this on to all the mamas and papas you know to get their views, too.