Mom Called Emotionally 'Manipulative' For Not Scolding Her 4-Year-Old Daughter For Screaming At Her

Aug 09, 2023

A debate has sparked among parenting circles online over a mother's decision to take a non-disciplinary approach after her 4-year-old daughter directed a scream at her. Sabriena Abrre found herself accused of abusive behavior after opting not to scold her daughter and remain gentle with her despite her antics.

The incident, which she relayed in a TikTok video uploaded on July 26, 2023, has sparked a discussion on the effectiveness and ethics of various parenting techniques. 

Abrre explained that her decision to forgo traditional disciplinary methods stemmed from her own traumatic experiences during childhood, where she endured yelling, harsh punishment, and physical reprimands from the adults. Determined to break this cycle, Abrre embraced a gentle parenting approach since she had her daughter in 2019. She chose a form of discipline where the focus is on open communication and understanding rather than resorting to punitive actions.

The mom recounted how she refused to yell at her daughter, revealing her conflict between an instinct to react sternly and her dedication to gentler parenting. When her daughter screamed in her face, Abrre chose to suppress her knee-jerk reaction of yelling in favor of a calmer response. She said that she looked her daughter in the eye, expressed that her feelings were hurt, albeit with more drama, and calmly left the room and told her daughter that she needed space.

Abrre's approach supposedly aimed to teach empathy, remorse, and communication without inducing fear. She sought to nurture intrinsic motivation, enabling her daughter to apologize sincerely instead of feeling coerced to say sorry. 

The video rapidly gained traction, accumulating over half a million views and more than 99,000 likes. However, it also elicited a polarizing response from viewers who thought she was emotionally abusive and manipulative toward her daughter.

"The second I cut off access to me, set that boundary and turned my back, my daughter started screaming 'I'm so sorry,'" Abrre said.

"It's not often that I completely cut off access like that to my kids and I think that's why it was especially moving and jarring to her, why she took it to heart," she added.

In the caption of her TikTok video, Abrre explained that she walked out of her daughter's room "reinforce the boundary that I won't let her yell at me. She also placed a disclaimer and said that she was not a "parent coach," but gentle parenting has worked for her and her daughters. 

However, her followers pointed out what they thought was wrong with her approach.

"Honestly, I know you mean well but it feels a lot like guilt tripping and it would destroy me when my mom did that to me," one user said. 

"Speaking from a place of suffering from narcissistic emotional abuse in a marriage and you telling this story triggered me," another added.

"I have been in therapy for years dealing with my guilt trip and usability to express my emotions safely due to parenting like this. I mean no offense," another said.

"You're manipulative. Don't seem like gentle parenting at all," someone said.

Another person said, "No this is emotional abuse."

The incident underscores the ongoing debate surrounding parenting methods and their long-term impact on children's development. Choosing the gentle parenting approach might look like a good idea, but it might not work well for everyone, according to some psychologists.  

This technique can be hard because parents have to carefully assess their way of resolving conflicts and setting healthy boundaries. Gentle parenting also takes a lot of time and patience, as kids need to learn to process their feelings.  

Do you agree with the mom’s method of disciplining her child? Do you know someone who uses the gentle parenting approach or might want to try it with their own kids? Pass this story along for some insights and inspiration!