Mom Allows Daughter Not To Invite Kid With Special Needs To Birthday Party, Asks If She’s Wrong

Aug 27, 2021

A conversation online became heated after a mom admitted in a Reddit post that she allowed her daughter to exclude a child with autism from her birthday party, despite inviting the rest of the class. The mother posted the story to find out if she was wrong for her decision, and the community had a lot to say about the matter.

The post is from March 2020 and begins by explaining that the woman is throwing a pool party for her daughter who is in the second grade. The mom explains that she didn’t want anyone to feel left out, so she allowed her daughter to invite everyone from her class. Her daughter then expressed that she didn’t want to invite a boy who has special needs. She changed his name to Tyler in the story to protect his privacy. She agreed that they did not need to invite Tyler to the party.

The mother elaborated, saying that she has met Tyler before and he is sweet, but because he is nonverbal autistic he spends most of the school day in a separate program, so she fears he would not fit in with the other children at the party. 

After discussing the matter with her coworkers they all said the mom was teaching her daughter that it is okay to exclude people who are different from her. This was a surprise to the mother, so she went online to tell her story and see if others agreed that she was in the wrong. 

The general consensus was yes, she was being unkind by allowing her daughter to exclude the boy, and she is likely setting her daughter up to exclude people that are different from her in the future. Read on to learn more about this story. 

The mother made a point to mention that she did not want anyone to feel bad for not being invited to the party. She wrote in the post:

 “Now I told my daughter she can either invite all the girls, or the entire class. I am not letting her invite specific people and single anyone out.”  

The concerned mom continued, writing: “She ended up choosing the whole class, but my daughter, as respectfully as a second grader could be, asked me if it was okay if Tyler did not receive an invite. She said he doesn’t really know anyone, and it might be tough for him to be at a pool party.” The mother added that they planned on mailing the invitations, so Tyler wouldn’t know he was being left out.

When the mom shared her story with her fellow nurses they did not agree with her decision. “A coworker told me I made a huge mistake by ‘teaching my daughter that it’s okay to exclude those who are different,’” the mother wrote in her post on Reddit. 

Some commenters agreed with the mother’s coworkers. One person wrote:

“You are definitely teaching your daughter that it's okay to exclude people who are different. It's not your choice if he can handle the party or not. He should absolutely receive an invite and his parents/caregivers can decide if he's capable of attending.”

However, some people did try to give advice. Another person said: “I think it's incredibly mean to invite a whole class except one kid, special needs or not. But I also don't think you should force your child to invite someone who they don't want to. I think she should have just invited a small number of friends and that's it.” 

What do you think about this story? Is the mother wrong to allow her daughter to exclude the boy? Let us know your opinion, and be sure to pass this along to your friends and family so they can weigh in too.