Man Disagrees With His Wife On Disciplining Their Daughter For 'Bullying Her Cousin'

Sep 06, 2023

Children of the same age or peer group are often expected to be playmates or be in the same playgroup, especially when they are related. However, it is noteworthy that kids have different personalities and can always choose their own friends.

However, when does it become borderline bullying when one kid openly dislikes another? This is the case of a dad with the username feelslikenotmyissue on Reddit who disagreed with his wife on punishing their daughter for how she treated a cousin.

The Redditor feelslikenotmyissue took to the AITA community in 2020, where he sought the opinion of users of the popular forum. The Redditor had asked if he was in the wrong for not punishing his daughter. 

Bullying is considered a sensitive issue, and while it can be rampant among children of all age groups, parents often try to curb it. The story of the Redditor had several controversies on what seems right or wrong, as fellow social media users examined the situation.

He began by relaying that his wife and her younger sister were best friends, and the pair had two of their kids around the same time. As a result of that, his wife had high hopes that the cousins would be best of friends. However, the original poster’s (OP) daughter did not like her cousin, although nothing seemed to be the problem. The dad shared:

“My daughter just doesn't like her cousin. My wife keeps pushing the relationship. This includes making my daughter spend time with her cousin during family gatherings, inviting her cousin on trips, forcing my daughter to call her.”

While his wife tried forcing the friendship, the OP was unbothered. He noted that he did not think it was important and said, “I do not possess the ability to make two teenagers become friends.” He included a side note indicating that he was the favorite parent and did not want to jeopardize that. However, the OP’s wife was not on board with his stance.

The OP also felt that "trying to push this kind of knuckleheaded stuff makes kids not want to speak to you." Things got to a breaking point when his wife asked their daughter to call the cousin in question. The Reddit dad admitted that he might have been an “a**hole” in the situation that occurred the day before he posted his story on the platform. He narrated:

"Yesterday, my wife forced my daughter to video call her cousin. My daughter rejected (the) request, and my wife told her: 'Unless you have a valid reason for disliking your cousin, you will do this because we're family.'" 

Although the youngster made the phone call, she expressed her dislike for her cousin the following day. Her dad revealed: 

"This morning, we awoke to a PowerPoint presentation titled Valid Reasons to Dislike (Cousin). Using clips from the zoom call, segments included Why is (Cousin's) Voice so Grating? A Music Theory Approach, A Case Study: Conversations That Provide No Value, Rethinking the Idea That There Are No Dumb Questions, ect."

The OP admitted that the totality of how his daughter described her cousin was not appropriate. He stated, “... it was a very cruel takedown of her cousin's entire personality.”

While the OP's wife was furious with the act, he and their eldest daughter found it humorous. His wife then demanded that they join forces to discipline their daughter. He said:

"My wife is demanding I support her in punishing my daughter for bullying her cousin. I have refused because I feel this is whole situation wouldn't have occurred if she didn't push the relationship, but I'm starting to have second thoughts because it was very mean. AITA?"

Many Redditors shared their opinion, which bordered on mixed reactions to his wife’s sentiments. One user wrote: "NTA. Unless your daughter send this 'presentation' to her cousin (or shared It with anybody else) it isn't bullying.” 

Another opposed: "YTA, and frankly a bad father. No consequences for casual cruelty raises sh*tty children that become sh*tty adults. Your kids are going to grow up to be complete garbage people if you let them continue like this." 

A third Redditor also disapproved of the OP’s action: “YTA. You are teaching your daughter that she can say anything she want, even against family, as long as it gets a laugh. You participated in laughing at your niece behind her back.”

Another user chimed: “NTA She wasn't cruel directly to the cousin, and the presentation was necessary because your wife has been treating your daughter so badly.”

“As a parent, you should NOT condone your daughters desire to taunt and mock others… Your wife however, is ridiculous for trying to force your daughter to be friends with her cousin,” another person shared while suggesting ESH (Everyone Sucks Here). 

What are your thoughts on the Redditor’s choice as opposed to his wife’s? Do you think this is a case of bullying? Let us know, and be sure to pass this on to others to get their thoughts.