Learn About The Gray Rock Method For Dealing With Difficult People

May 25, 2018

Setting boundaries and communicating your needs should be a simple process, but when dealing with toxic people it's anything but. Narcissists hear what they want to hear, don't take no for an answer, and often derail seemingly straightforward conversations. The secret to handling this kind of person may seem strange, as emotionally stable people like to provide detail and logical reasoning, but using the Gray Rock Method is a surefire solution.
 

The Gray Rock Method involves being as boring a target as possible, like an unremarkable and uninteresting gray rock. By regulating your emotional response, providing minimal information, and generally refusing to engage with the narcissist, you give them nothing to latch onto, keeping yourself safe in the process.

It's an ideal solution for people who are unable to completely cut out abusive people by going no-contact. Instead of avoiding them entirely, the Gray Rock Method allows you to maintain a relationship without making yourself vulnerable by giving hopelessly boring responses to whatever is thrown your way.

 

This concept has been floating around the internet since 2012, in a post titled "The Gray Rock Method of Dealing With Psychopaths". The author of the post, Skylar, says that “there are gray rocks and pebbles everywhere you go, but you never notice them. None of them attract your attention. You don’t remember any specific rock you saw today because they blend with the scenery. That is the type of boring that you want to channel when you are dealing with a psychopath.”

It all sounds simple, but there are a few things to keep in mind. First, you can't tip your hand by telling the narcissist that you're intentionally Gray Rocking. Don't give them any weapons to use against you. Second, don't get more involved in a conversation than you absolutely have to.

Don't ask them questions that may prolong a discussion, and never give a concrete answer to anything they ask you. Third, stick to neutral topics like the weather or the news. Finally, have an exit plan so you can cut out when you're ready.

As you're Gray Rocking, don't let the narcissist manipulate you, and don't justify, argue, defend, or explain anything in your life. It's truly yours to live. Let us know if this article has helped you, and if you know a friend struggling with a difficult person tell them what you've learned.