How To Love A Girl Who Has Been Hurt Far Too Many Times
Oct 30, 2018
The most wonderful woman you've ever known is standing right before you. You've finally made her yours, but she doesn't seem to be connecting with you. She seems to be far away. She's been hurt so many times that she's built up high walls, and nothing you do seems able to break them down.
She seems like she's far away, but it's not your fault. She's just afraid that if you hurt her, she won't have a way to patch her broken pieces back up again.
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You don't understand how difficult it is to decide you're ready for a relationship when you've been badly hurt before. Those hurts probably haven't fully healed yet. You're still fragile.
That's what you should be thinking about when you try to connect with her. Trying to force the walls down will just hurt her more. Walls need to come down naturally. To manage that, you have to love her with everything you have.
She cares for you so much, but she needs a little time. She needs to make sure that you're trustworthy. She needs to be positive that you won't hurt her like other people have. She'll show you her best self and give you all the love in the world, but she needs to get the same back from you.
She needs you to focus on honesty.
She's been told so many lies and had so many hurtful words leveled against her. Don't do that to her again. It's impossible to make a relationship work if you aren't being honest.
So tell her what you're thinking and be consistent. Make sure your actions are in line with the things you say. Don't say one thing and then do the opposite. Be a person with integrity, a person she can trust. This will help you connect on a deeper level. She'll feel safe falling entirely for you.
She needs to know that you'll accept her however she is.
Don't try to change who she is. Embrace and accept everything about her. Accept who she is, who she wants to become, and what her past is. She'll love you more if you allow her to fix herself. Give her emotional support, but don't try to fix her. Just be there for her.
It may be tempting to try to rush in and save her, but that's not going to help her get better. Her past has been very difficult, and she needs to take time to herself to let her mind heal. Healing doesn't happen all at once. However hard it is to watch, it's much harder to live it.
She needs her boundaries respected.
You might have times when she'll need to spend some time alone. When she wants alone time, be respectful and give it to her. Allow her as much space as she wants. Don't get angry or passive aggressive. Don't send a ton of texts and messages. Don't "romantically" show up where she is. Just take it easy and let her have time to herself.
She just needs to recharge her energy and figure out her balance. She's aware that you're there for her. If you give her enough space, she'll come back to you once she's feeling okay again.
She needs patience regarding intimacy.
If she's going to connect physically with you, she needs to make an emotional connection first. You'll need to be patient with physical intimacy. Only do things at her comfort level. Never, ever pressure her into anything. Make sure you have an enthusiastic "yes" before you try anything.
Open up and be honest with her. Allow both of you to share that emotional connection. The physical trust will come with time.
She wants to be with you. She wants to make love. Sure, the phrasing is corny, but it matters a lot to her. She doesn't want a fleeting fling or casual hookup. If you try to force her before she's ready, you'll lose her forever.
She needs to know you appreciate her.
Compliment her. When she looks gorgeous, tell her. But don't stop with appearance. Compliment her personality, her taste in books, her skill sets. Tell her what she does that makes you love her and want to be with her. Remind her that she's beautiful both inside and out.
When she's okay with it, hug her.
Boundaries always come first. But when she says it's okay, give her a hug. Physical touch is one of the most tender ways of sharing with each other. Humans need physical touch to function properly. A hug is a good way of telling her that you're here to support her, no matter what.
Consistently show her you care, and you'll gain everything when she brings her walls down.
Have you ever been hurt? Have you loved someone who's been hurt? Tell us about your experiences and pass this along to someone who might need this article right now.