Even Specialists Thought I Was Just Another Lazy, Disorganized Woman - Until Finally, I Was Diagnosed With Autism

Jun 20, 2018

Autism diagnoses are on the rise. More men than ever are getting the help they need for social awkwardness and executive dysfunction. What about women?

For years, I’ve struggled with forgetfulness. I didn’t pay bills on time. I accidentally blew off appointments with friends or therapists. I lost job after job. I never thought it was autism. Many women with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), the official term for autism, aren’t diagnosed. Instead, you might be labeled as bipolar, borderline or just lazy. That’s what happened to me. Even therapists didn’t help me. I saw many in my struggle to tame my lack of organization skills. No one ever suggested autism. I wasn’t socially awkward. I maintained eye contact.

I knew something was wrong, even when my therapists didn’t listen to me. I was stressed every day. I felt like a failure. I had to do something, anything, to get out of this sandpit.

If you’re like me, you go online for help. You want to find others with the same symptoms you have and see if you’re normal. Autism forums helped me connect with other women suffering from the same issues. You’ll hear so many stories that sound similar to me. Successful business women who feel hollow inside because of their struggle to manage the office calendar. Moms who don’t think their children are getting everything they deserve because of a mother struggling to remember appointments.

You aren’t alone. More and more women are sharing their stories about executive function imbalances. That’s how psychologists describe the ability to organize, remember tasks and get through modern life. Poor executive function is often seen as a moral failing, especially for women. If you can’t keep your house clean, it’s because you’re lazy. If you pay a bill late, it’s because you didn’t try hard enough to remember the deadline.

Getting diagnosed didn’t cure me. There is no cure for autism, no medication you can take to wipe out your symptoms. You can learn to manage them. You can also learn that autism isn’t a moral failing. That’s the happiest part of finding out what was wrong with me. Realizing that I’m not lazy or disorganized, but neurodiverse, helped with my self-confidence. Now I’m motivated to tackle my organizational issues.

I know what’s wrong with me, and I know how to manage it. I can try different tactics – a physical calendar over a digital one, for example – until I find what works for me. I just wish my friends could offer more support. If you have a friend who sounds like me, who’s always late, or wearing the wrong outfit or forgetting to pay the bills, can you be kind to them? Offer patience, not criticism. Love, not irritation. You don’t know what’s driving their behavior.

Are you struggling with disorganization and social anxiety? Show this to your friends to see if anyone else has been feeling the same way. We need to spread awareness of female autism and get those affected the support they deserve.

Our content is created to the best of our knowledge, yet it is of general nature and cannot in any way substitute an individual consultation with your doctor. Your health is important to us!