Dad Expresses ‘Regret’ For Squandering Children’s Inheritance & Saving Nothing For Grandkids

Apr 21, 2023

Money can be quite a touchy subject, particularly when it comes to family. Such was the case for one retiree, who found himself in a conundrum concerning his financial affairs after discovering some tragic health news. Under the handle guiltygran, he shared his ordeal with the Reddit community on Dec. 13, 2022, in an attempt to gauge from the community whether his actions had been appropriate.

He began his post by saying that he was recounting his experience with the help of his friends.

"What you are about to read, is a recent cause of emotional distress for me, regret, and I'm doing this post with the help of my colleague and his son, whom insist I'm doing the right thing. I'm 63 years old. I took advantage of better times, financially speaking, and managed to get enough money to save, have a good retirement, and leave a good inheritance for my children. However, their actions in recent years has broken my heart. My oldest daughter is a lawyer, married to an attorney. I have another son who is also a lawyer, a third who became an engineer, and the youngest, who is a salesman," he wrote.

"I have been a smoker for many years, and, the predictable outcome has finally caught me, so I may not have many years left. After knowing this, my children began stabbing each other's backs, trying to get their inheritance earlier. Initially were frequent verbal discussions, that escalated to legal battles. The boiling point came when my daughter forged her brothers' signature to take their part of the inheritance while I was being treated at the hospital. Now, none of the siblings can see each other in the eye, and only talk through lawyers," he continued.

The original poster (OP) went on to recount that because of his children's infighting, he chose to spend the inheritance on himself.

"Saddened by this situation, (I) decided to spend the money, thinking that if all of it is gone, they would have no more reasons to fight. I donated to charities, bought my wife beauty items, went on vacations with her paying for the better looking hotel rooms (no planes because of covid travel restrictions), gave my grandkids expensive gifts, bought my dearests friends and colleagues better equipments to improve their work. We bought a huge TV, prepaid for my funeral, tasted some fine whiskey, among other things. Right now, about 65-70 percent of my saving are now gone. I plan to keep enough for the time I have left, and leave my wife a good cash amount," he wrote.

However, his children soon caught on to the situation.

"However, my children are noticing that I'm spending a lot, and started to ask questions. My daughter figured out what happened on her own. I had no rebuttals, since I'm guilty of all the accusations she made, but then she mentioned that her children will suffer because of my selfish acts, not only that, but I am cursing all of her grandchildren by doing this. That made me think, that my grandchildren shouldn't be punished for their parents' sins, and maybe, I was too self-absorbed to realize it sooner. That's my dilemma now," he added.

The OP's friend's son also clarified that, where they are from, "whatever savings the person has, goes directly into their children and living spouse, this is how the law is written," and that "you can write a will on top of that, but biological or legally adopted children can not be entirely written out."

The Reddit community was quick to side with the ailing retiree, with many blasting his children for being greedy and selfish. Many also assured the OP that he had done nothing wrong and had acted well within his rights.

"OP, the money is YOURS. You are never under any obligation to leave an inheritance. You've saved for it your entire life, and you get to spend it however you wish. No further conversation needed with your kids," one user wrote, while another said, "When will kids learn that they are not entitled to any inheritance? This sense that you are owed money from your parents or grandparents is obscene. If people want to leave (something) awesome to a loved one that's fine, but no one is entitled to it."

A third user commented:

"I want to be really clear: this is in fact the situation here, that YOUR CHILDREN HAVE LET YOU DOWN, and not the other way around. … Your children never had an inheritance because UNTIL YOU DIE, ANY 'INHERITANCE' IS THEORETICAL. And I think that far too many greedy, self-absorbed offspring tend to forget this far too easily… And as long as you are alive, the money that you worked hard for is, morally, ethically, and in every other way, yours to use as you see fit. Your adult children – particularly given that they are healthy, able, and in good financial situations – are not due anything out of your bank account or otherwise. For the record, neither are your grandkids. It is not cruel not to leave your own money to other people, but to choose to enjoy it yourself. You're the one who earned it."

One user put it very succinctly:

"It is YOUR money. Living for an inheritance is gross. Drink all the whisky."

What are your thoughts on the father's dilemma? Would you choose to spend the money you earned after retirement if your children acted as such? Let us know, and be sure to pass this on to family and friends to get their views on the situation, too.