Dad Discovers Mother-in-Law Has Been Trashing Daughter's ‘Favorite Meals’ He Prepares From Late Wife's Recipe

Sep 22, 2023

Parenting as a universal phenomenon will always vary among people as no two persons are the same. The dynamics of childcare becomes even more possible when one parent suddenly stops being in the picture. In cases where one parent passes away, the other takes on the full responsibility of making sure the child or children are cared for amid grief. 

Reddit user 0gravity0respect had to step up in his role as a parent for his young daughter after his wife passed away. However, there was a stumbling block. His mother-in-law had issues with his approach to feeding his child even though she was a picky eater. The difference of opinions ultimately led to a clash between the duo. 

The original poster (OP) took his story to the AITA community in 2021 to seek the opinion of others on the difficult situation. The dad started his story by giving a little background of the situation. He wrote:

"I'm a widower and have a 6 year old daughter who's a very picky eater and got worse after her mother's passing. She loved her mother's cooking and refused to eat anything that isn't made by her mother."

Seeing how his daughter was a picky eater and how it got worse after his wife's passing, the dedicated father put an effort into providing the meals he knew his wife used to make. He wrote:

"I decided to learn to cook her favorite meals that my wife used to cook and my daughter has been loving 'my version' of her mother's cooking."

OP explained that after a while, he began a time-consuming new job. Therefore, he needed his mother-in-law (MIL) to help babysit his daughter "3 days a week." Since his daughter only eats his version of his wife's cooking, he decided to "prepare meals for my daughter to take with to her grandparents house so my MIL won't have to worry about what my daughter can eat and can not eat." 

OP continued by writing that his MIL complained about the meals he sent and said, "I needed to encourage my daughter to eat from a variety of dishes." However, he explained his daughter's situation, noting that he was "already learning new dishes every week so it's not repetitive." Despite his explanation, he discovered something shocking. He wrote:

"So last week I discovered that my daughter has been eating only snacks for days at her grandparents house. She told me this and I was confused. I asked about the meals I send with her and she said her grandma would take them from her hand once I leave, throw them in the thrashcan then tell her to eat dishes she makes. My daughter refused and has been eating only snacks at that house."

OP was enraged that his daughter was only feeding on snacks and decided to confront his MIL. His MIL had said that "she didn't find that me sending meals with my daughter was the right thing to do and wanted her granddaughter to eat her cooking and was upset that she refused."

His MIL continued to attack him, saying that it was the OP's fault that his daughter was a picky eater and told him that he was spoiling her.

The man wrote that he explained to his MIL that the food she threw away was her daughter's recipe, which he had taken time to learn. However, his MIL did not consider that. He wrote:

"She stated I wasn't doing good job parenting and needed to get a grip because she's feeling concerned about how spoiled my daughter is being because of me."

OP decided to take his daughter away from his MIL and seek his sister's help instead. His Father-in-law and sister-in-law kept calling, saying that his action was cruel. Therefore, he sought the opinions of others on whether he did too much.

Several people responded. One Reddit user wrote, "NTA. You don't fix picky eating by letting a child go hungry." Another user commented, "Nta. Im so confused why she would throw perfectly good meals away, especially they also have sentimental value for your daughter too." A third user commented, "NTA. Your MIL is the AH. Your FIL and SIL are Co-AHs.

One Redditor shared a thoughtful point, "NTA You and your daughter are grieving. If having your wife's meals helps your child, then what's the harm?" A fifth user wrote, "NTA. You did the right thing. It's not MIL's call on what you feed your daughter."

Someone affirmed, "NTA- Even if the dishes were repetitive, as long as she is getting the nutrients she needs and she likes them, it's fine!" An impressed Redditor penned, "NTA So first of all let me say that I think you're doing an amazing job as a Dad especially one in a super hard situation and I can not express how sorry I am you and your daughter lost her mother."

Did OP make the right decision in taking his daughter away from her grandparents? What other steps do you believe could be taken to prepare food for a picky eater? Let us know, and be sure to pass this on to others.