Dad Backs Out Of Paying For His Daughter’s Wedding After She Invited Her Uncle

Sep 05, 2023

Boundaries are important for every healthy relationship and apply to all kinds of associations, including work, family, and academic relationships. It is essential to set boundaries for various reasons, including that they help to communicate what is acceptable and what is not for each party. They also help the partners know what they can compromise on and issues that could be deal breakers. 

Meanwhile, boundaries must be communicated clearly to prevent assumptions and violations. Boundaries must also be respected and not just communicated. Respecting the other party’s boundaries often increases trust and confidence and strengthens the relationship. Boundaries communicate respect and validation. They also help everyone to feel seen and heard. When boundaries are not respected, it may give way to different kinds of abuse: emotional, verbal, and physical. A lack of boundaries will also result in conflict and the loss of self-esteem. Therefore, in every relationship, one of the keys to ensuring everyone is happy and validated is keeping to the boundaries they set.

A man whose boundaries weren’t respected felt slighted and retaliated in the way he thought was best. The 46-year-old dad had been estranged from his 48-year-old brother for over 25 years and expected his family to do the same. However, the original poster’s (OP’s) daughter kept in touch with her uncle without his knowledge. 

Consequently, the man with the username father-of-the-bride refused to sponsor his daughter’s wedding as was expected once he found out. He then sought Redditors’ opinions in September 2022 after his family and girlfriend told him he was wrong. Keep reading to know why he didn’t want a relationship with his brother.

A man took to Reddit in September 2022 to ask if he was wrong not to want to finance his daughter’s wedding. 

“When I was 20, my then girlfriend cheated with my brother. I was heartbroken and p***ed. I told him he is no longer my brother,” he began. “Despite my request, my family didnt cut him off, so I told them that I will never again be in the same place as he is. If they wish to invite both, then they should just invite him as I am the one giving ultimate.”

The man’s daughter was getting married the following year, and he was expected to pay half of the wedding’s expenses per their culture. 

However, OP was shocked to learn that his daughter had invited his brother and wife, OP’s cheating ex-girlfriend. His daughter kept in touch with her uncle’s family for about four years and wanted her cousin to be part of her train.

“I was p***ed,” OP shared. “I told her what my boundaries are and if my brother is invited then I will not pay my part of the wedding.”

The daughter angrily demanded that her father forgive his brother and wife, but the man thought she was out of line, leading to a serious argument. 

“She told me I am making her wedding about myself,” he said and added, “I told her I will probably not even attend so it will be all about her.”

After his daughter left in tears, the man’s ex-wife and his parents called him and told him he was in the wrong, but he ignored them. His girlfriend also asked him to change his mind and apologize to not lose his daughter.

“I don’t know. I think my boundaries should be respected. Am I a**h**e for that?” the man asked.

Redditors backed OP and told him he wasn’t wrong to want his boundaries respected. 

“NTA,” a user opined. “But be prepared to continually be bombarded with messages indicating otherwise. You set a boundary that you are simply maintaining. Nothing more. You even made people aware, so none of this should be a shock to any of them. Now, out of respect for your daughter’s wedding, you’ve decided not to attend in order to avoid the issue with your brother and to avoid making the wedding about you and him. I applaud you, that’s a hard decision to make.”

A second user advised, “NTA. Let her uncle pay for the wedding if she likes him so much. 🤷🏼‍♀️”

However, many Redditors pointed out to OP that insisting on his boundaries could make him lose his daughter.

“Here’s a very unpopular NTA,” a third Redditor commented. “I don’t understand why your daughter decided to connect with somebody who betrayed their father. How much drama would’ve it been to let sleeping dogs lie? I know a lot of people would’ve gotten over this betrayal, but you’re entitled to your feelings. Still if this causes an irreparable rift between you and your daughter being right won’t give you much comfort.”

“I’ll refrain from judgement for now. However, I’ll tell you this: a girlfriend 20 years ago is not more important that your daughter. Tread lightly because you may lose her,” another user counseled.

Nevertheless, a few Redditors thought the man was being excessive.

“Is anyone else a little bit bothered by the fact this OP requested that his entire family cut off his brother? If OP wishes to discontinue the relationship, fine. But what makes him think he can or should dictate what his family does?” someone asked.

What do you think of OP’s decision to not attend or pay for his daughter’s wedding? Do you think the daughter ought to have invited her uncle and his wife? Let us know — and be sure to pass this on to family and friends.