Dad And Mother-In-Law Fight Over Him Giving His Teenage Son Responsibilities In The House

Jul 04, 2023

The teenage years can be quite tasking for teenagers and their parents. For many teens, this period is the time to explore, form opinions and values that will take them through the rest of their lives, and build relationships. Teenagers also undergo changes that can terrify or fascinate them. 

Sometimes, they won't even understand what it is they are feeling. Hence, many teenagers often rebel at this stage. Meanwhile, for first-time parents, this period can be confusing as well, and they might choose to leave their teens alone to do what they like. Many will also not know what responsibilities are appropriate to assign to their teenagers at this time. 

Adding interference from relatives to this confusing stage for the two parties can complicate a difficult situation. People will almost always have varying and sometimes opposing ideas about handling situations, but that is to be expected. However, it becomes a problem when one party tries to impose its ideas and values on the other party. It gets even more annoying when the interfering party is normally not supposed to be involved in the issue. When such situations arise, they can give way to conflict, which can become bigger issues if not quickly resolved. 

Recently, a confused father in a similar situation tried to find answers to the gnawing questions in his mind. In June 2022, the man with the username "Heresafishingrod" turned to Reddit to ask for advice on what to do about his mother-in-law's interference in raising his teenage son. Continue reading to know the details of the man's story. 

Reddit user "Heresafishingrod" took to the platform in June 2022 to ask if he was doing the right thing by giving his 16-year-old son responsibilities in the house. He started: 

"My son, 16M, makes dinner for the entire family one night a week. My wife and I trade off the rest of the week. He also cleans his room, does his own laundry, and cleans his bathroom."

The OP (original poster) explained that his MIL stays with them and got angry that the teenager does chores. He wrote:

"She said we are stealing what should be 'the carefree years of his childhood.' The bathroom he cleans is the shared bath for both his room and the guest room." 

The OP added that his MIL decided to start cleaning the bathroom, although she is only a guest. He further shared that his MIL thinks he and his wife are lazy and has refused to let it go despite his wife trying to convince her that it is not so. The Redditor also disclosed that another issue arose between his family and his MIL, which upset his son. 

"The issue is with dinner tonight," he began. "My son was putting some stuff in the crockpot, and my MiL got all fussy and said she would make dinner if my wife and I are 'too lazy' and my son got upset because he was excited to make this dish. So my wife and I booted her from the kitchen. Now she is in her room pouting and complaining about us on her phone to all my wife's relatives about how we are terrible lazy parents that robbed our son of a happy childhood."

The man concluded the post by asking if he and his wife were wrong for asking their son to do chores. 

Many Redditors flocked to the comment section to show support for the man's action. They applauded him for raising his son to be a responsible young man and rebuked the MIL for trying to discourage his efforts. 

"NTA Please teach more teenaged boys how to cook and clean for themselves! Especially since he gets excited about cooking?? How freaking cool!! Let grandma pout who cares," a user wrote. 

Another Redditor advised the OP to let his wife talk with her mom and said: 

"NTA. If anything, that sounds like a pretty light chore list to me. Those are skills he needs as an adult. I'd say let your wife argue with her. It isn't MIL place to interfere. At any rate. By saying what to do in your own house. MIL is no longer behaving like a good guest. She's overstayed her welcome. Time to give her the ole heave ho."

A third user commented: "NTA...these are completely age-appropriate tasks that will greatly help him in the near future. Your MIL needs to respect the house rules if she wishes to stay."

A Redditor also wondered if the MIL was perhaps gender-biased. 

"I'm wondering if grandma would have the same reaction if OP's child was a girl. Would it be 'so much' for a teenage daughter to help out?" they asked. 

Meanwhile, another user asked OP to consider moving his MIL elsewhere on her next visit. "NTA. Having age-appropriate responsibilities isn't robbing your son of his childhood. He is learning time management, life skills, and self-efficacy. Your expectations of your son sound reasonable, growth-oriented, and fair. Perhaps MIL would feel more relaxed at a hotel during her next visit."

What do you think of the situation? Does the MIL have a point? Do you think she overstepped her boundaries? What would you advise the man to do? Let us know — and be sure to pass this article on to friends and family members!