Bride-To-Be Refuses To Honor Mother-In-Law’s Request To Have Photos Of Her Miscarried & Stillborn Babies At Wedding

Aug 18, 2023

Weddings are a union of two people from different backgrounds, families and cultures, so there might be a need to compromise sometimes. Many intended marriages have crashed at this point because one or both partners were not ready to give in to some requests. The extent to which one should yield can also create concerns for the intending couple, who might then turn to a supportive and sometimes anonymous community where they can get unbiased advice to start their new life together on the right foot.

A bride-to-be was faced with this problem, so she turned to the Reddit community for advice on navigating a difficult situation without creating conflict between everyone involved. The Redditor with the username “ThrowAwayQQQQQ212” explained her situation on the sub-Reddit thread “r/AmItheA**hole” on Aug. 6, 2023. She shared that her mother-in-law had a strange request she wasn’t inclined to honor and asked if she was being unfair about it.  

The original poster (OP) stated: “I (26f) am planning my wedding to my fiance (27m) in a few months. Everything is going great and I love him so much. I can't wait to spend my life with him. He loves my family, and I, for the most part, love his.”

“A bit of background, fiance has a much older brother,” OP offered.

She explained that her mother-in-law (MIL) lost three pregnancies between her husband-to-be and his older brother from stillbirths and late miscarriages.  

In one of her responses, the woman also revealed that her MIL still had the babies’ pictures in a shrine in their home.

Due to MIL’s experience, she pampered OP’s partner. 

“MIL put all of her motherly love and attention on fiance,” OP revealed. "He had never tried a fruit or vegetable before I met him because his parents never made him when he was young and he had grown up assuming they were gross.” 

However, after introducing her fiance to some fruits, he loved them and already started eating them. For their wedding, OP revealed that she and her partner asked their families who they wanted to invite, and strangely, OP’s MIL asked them to “invite” her partner’s late brother and sisters.

“When we asked what she meant, she wanted us to put up a framed photo of the dead babies in the pews at our wedding ceremony, and then save them seats at our reception,” ThrowAwayQQQQQ212 shared. 

“I was horrified,” she continued. “First of all, we are trying to have a fairly small wedding to start with, and a beautiful, intimate venue. We can only have seats for 30-50 people, and I would like these places to be for our friends and family, not people who have never met either of us because they are dead. Fiance agrees that three of 50 seats reserved for dead people is too many. He suggested we compromise and just let MIL put up all three photos in one seat.”

However, OP thought it was a “gross” and bad idea to have such omens at what should be the start of a new family, but she was worried because MIL’s family would bear 75% of the wedding expenses, and it was the only thing MIL asked for. She also thought about compromising to honor MIL’s feelings.

When Redditors shared their opinions, they assured the woman she wasn’t in the wrong and told her to stand her ground. Some also expressed disgust at the thought of putting pictures of tragic occasions at what should be a happy event. 

“NTA: I have no words other than no god damn way. That’s the weirdest and creepiest thing I’ve ever heard,” a Redditor expressed.

A second Redditor opined, “If I went to a wedding and saw three dead baby pictures I would leave, that is horrifying on so many levels.”

Some Redditors also shared alternatives to reserving seats and placing pictures of the dead siblings at the event. 

“I think text (in memory of...) is a perfect way to honor lost loved ones, or even an altar with candles to light or flowers, if it's that important to remember the dead,” someone recommended. “But for everyone's sakes, no dead baby pix. Not the time for these.”

A fourth Redditor advised:

“NTA. Tell MIL that the photos may be triggering to people who recently had miscarriages, and you don't want your wedding (repeat, your wedding) to be a source of grief for the guests (and you).” They added a recommendation: “Maybe you could give her the opportunity during the reception speeches to say something about how she wishes her lost children could have been there. Not that she needs that time either, since it's a wedding, but if she insists on hijacking a wedding with a memorial service, then something verbal, after the ceremony, seems less intrusive.”

When someone asked, “... Is this something she also does at every birthday party?” OP responded: “She has a little shrine in an alcove of their home with two sonograms and a photo of the stillbirth. So yes they are present.”

What would you have done in OP’s place? What do you think of her MIL’s request? Let us know, and pass this on to friends and family for their opinions.